addddeeerrraaaallll.
ok i'm not sure if that was a success statement or a cry for help.
just took a sink shower in Arbys bathroom
First night home from college and I already forgot that walking around nearly naked with my laptop open to smut porn isn't acceptable. Sorry, mom.
Just made a pepperoni sandwich with cheese, mayo, and pickles. Poverty is like pot, without the happy feeling.
Omg. In the pub, there's a guy shouting at the olympic channel 'yeah! Kill that motherfucker!' we're watching figure skating.
it's my sixth sense. If there's an orgy within 20 miles of me i'll know about if. Or be a part of it.
im just going to wait until i dont feel like the grim reaper is having sex with me
Absolutely. Last time I signed up for a softball league I had sex with my high school economics teacher.
I have now slept with people from more countries than Ive actually visited. Can we make this a game somehow? Like foreign fuck buddy bingo?
I don't care how high you are, you can't finger me while eating potato chips.
When are you going to accept the fact he is gay?
Come on... He's just practicing.
Ok. That's acceptable.
so...the lady doing my pedi totally noticed the human bite marks on my calf. Who says marriage ends your sex life? Love u!
Out of curiosity, do you feel happiness for you, or sadness for ME, that you are the only one I drunk text?
Come on, will you just fuck him so we can watch Star Wars.
I'm literally spending $165 to fly to Arizona to have a sex road trip coming back
Randomize
