I seriously wish I was FB friends with her
I swear, you have an app for that. "Attention: your boyfriend is pooping. Place call?"
How can I look at her with a straight face when she has dry puke on her eye lid
She's trying to master eating with her feet. She said it was be she "always has to be prepared."
i could have sworn she did an overextended split with her legs over her head but now i think it was just the drugs
Awkward family moment #1: walked in on my 15 yr old nephew packing a bowl. Nephew says- "lets not ruin christmas and keep this our little secret"
8:30 every morning in the third floor bathroom we fuck in the handicap stall. You have your morning workout and I have mine.
Who had my phone last night? Whoever it was sent "Fuck you, you're adopted" to half the people on my contact list.
Well would you like to come over anyway? I will be wearing sweatpants and disappointment. Also, I have Jack Daniels and I've managed to get drunk in under half an hour. But my boobs look awesome.
Do you think if i wear this shirt with my bengals boxers this kid will fall out of love with me a little bit because that's what I was going for.
Let me know. Show me one boob if yes. 2 if no
Because I chose to live vicariously through your uterus and you're letting me down right now.
We were on the beach when you spilled sand in the bottle and said "relax it's vodka, it'll disinfect itself"
Why is there a pair of panties on my front lawn?
It's bullshittery. It's asshattery. It's complete fuckery at its finest.
Randomize
