I think I might be in your shoes. Except they are actually my shoes. Either way these shoes are wasted.
I was just like staring at the lawn boy while singing "You Belong With Me".
I am the king of creep.
Theres just something about looking at pictures of your dick in church that doesn't feel right
we made out inside of a kiddie slide for about 20 mins. it was the sexiest, most suffocating experience I've ever had
went for icecream. accidentally deepthroated it. my mom gave me a dirty look, but the kid behind the counter looked impressed
I think she's a little more wasted than usual. She just crawled on the floor to tell mom it was time to take a shot.
drunk tastebuds have low standards.
I still don't understand how I went from crying to blowing you in like two minutes.
did i paint my nails blue or do i need to make a trip to the ER?
The good thing about having holes in your nose from all the drugs you do is that you can't smell nasty things. Like puke.
Apparently I was so drunk I threw my entire wallet at the stripper on stage. That was the third time I should've gotten kicked out.
Your list of "good ideas" thumbtacked to the lampshade last night consisted of nothing but "tampon-pen" with a note indicating that girls could then always have something to write with, even naked.
Two word: claymation porn. Think about it.
I don't think I can ever express my appreciation for the things you text me.
He was tied up with the electrical tape and force fed wine from a box. It was never going to end well.
My life is over, I got a mugshot while wearing a shirt that said 'milf hunter'.
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