I needed to borrow my dads nail clippers and next to it was an industrial size box of condoms if that wasnt bad enough I dropped the clippers behind the bed and discovered hundreds of used condoms
I love how you send me nude pics of girls you're fucking and name them by which city they're in instead of their name. "This is Nashville, this is Tupelo, this is Jackson..."
after a few more beers I realized that both my wife and I like Latin men.
Life lesson: using the oven as a heater= $500 electric bill
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Thanks for the birthday present, i had so much fun playing with it
Are you talking about my vagina?
The man at the Honda dealership told me I smell like vodka and probably shouldn't be driving.
Just got my cast off. My occupational therapist wants me to self-gratify. My clit is about to have an awesome weekend...
Was rudely woken up by strangers at 4:15am. I was leaning against the stoplight at 9th
Guess who left Professor Cunt on their paper by accident?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Some random walked into our tent, woke her up and said "Harry Potter must not go back to Hogwarts!"
We'll wreck the fuck out of my furniture. How often does one really get the chance to fuck through a table with no negative consequences?
Code 10 We gotta leave. Now. I took a dump in the upstairs toilet and its clogged and overflowing, and believe me I don't want to have to explain myself to this frat on parents weekend.
I ate icecream cake off your tits for my birthday, if that's not love I don't know what is.
Beer Olympics must happen in honor of the legit Olympics.
Dude it's unhealthy how much I love vagina in my face
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