I don't know whether I should be pissed that there's glitter in my bed or proud that there's semen in there too.
So i got in my car, the seats are leaned back, and soft soul music is playing. Wtf happened last night.
so i woke up.. still drunk and discovered my roommate in the living room passed out dick-in-hand watching porn..
What did u do?
turned the porn up and opened the windows so everybody goin to class could see him..
i need to find a notary that isn't going to turn me in for blatantly lying to the us and chilean governments
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Tried to steal a keytar from my hook up's house.
But life isn't just all about getting drunk & eating chicken strips.
There was a reason God said "Let there be titties" on the Fifth Day.
Debating whether the Plan B I had this morning would go under breakfast or lunch in my food log.
i seriously haven't spoken to him since i drunk dialed him and told him i loved his beard
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I currently need breakfast in bed, morning sex, and a bourbon and diet coke. Make this happen
What exactly do I say to a random stoner hookup to thank him for ending my dry spell? Is it awkward to just say "Thanks for that. It was well needed."
He texts me "what are you wearing" in the middle of the workday, so naturally I assume he's kidding and respond "the blood of my enemies" #foreveralone
Took pain meds with RumChata this morning. It's like morning milk but better
On the other hand, this could be a new level of shame for me.
I mean, he'll either figure it the fuck out or set my apartment on fire. Either way, it will be entertaining.
Randomize