dude your alot more fun to hang out around now that your addicted to coke...but seriously you need to stop
May i just say it is extremely difficult to pee in a cape
you'll never guess what i found when i got home...
a cake, in the toilet
just went to the store to buy a mop & tampons. i feel like i just gave in to all those women jokes.
She soaked the fruit in vodka for ten minutes and then mixed it with normal fruit and sherbert icecream. It was called "lottery fruit".
it was pretty much a given that i would lose my thong on dollar tequilla shot night
I had to assert my dominance as Alpha Drunk.
Since I fall down so much at parties I've started doing this new thing where when I fall I just yell FLOOR PARTY and make people bring the party to me
Dinner at 5, shrooms at 10.
My "lord keep me from stabbing a bitch" prayer has gotten a lot of miles today
He's being awfully beer snobby for a guy who ordered salad
I just found out my younger brother has me saved in his contacts as "Womb Primer" and I don't know what to do with this information
We were in the uber and you were crying because you wanted to be an Olympic gymnast. The driver tried to console you and you just cried harder
The career specialist read an Onion article to us. Please send help.
I'm not gonna be naked if your not here. Thats like a waste of nakedness
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