i wonder how he feels talking to my mother about jesus with a condom on his dick
Do I need to let your sister outside to go pee or anything before I leave?
I woke up from my nap, looked out my window, and saw about bout 6 people get tasered in less than 20 seconds.....could someone please tell me what's going on.
the tow truck driver and i bonded while discussing our experiences with four lokos
Just walked in on the Yellow Ranger getting porked by a guy in a UD Blue Hen costume. Will somebody PLEASE think of the children.
that was THE gayest party i've ever been to
To be fair, the theme was Cabaret. I don't know what you were expecting.
I made a wizard staff out of Keystone light... I am therefore the smoothest wizard in all of our university's history.
Of course I'll be there. I never miss an opportunity to smell like cigarettes, cheap beer, and shame.
Yeah, but I think it would be a little awkward to explain to Mom that the girl I brought for lunch is not my girlfriend but just a fuck buddy who I met after she hit and totaled my car last month.
You got me 4 pizzas and i just saw this. I'm too drunk for this shit. I just yelled "4 pizzas holy shit!" At the pizza dude
We're too hungover to prance.
I drove them away with my sparkling personality and LOTR references.
Did you just correct my spelling of a made up word?
No, I just was using your word in plural form
Coffee and girl scout cookies. Breakfast of champions.
Get fucked.
I need you to get the emergency bail money out if the stuffed panda and go to the police station tot bail me out. I should be there in 20 minutes.
Randomize
