I just spent the last hour spooning with my drug dealer.
He just said he wasn't going to drink on Saturday because he was drinking on Thursday and Friday...we need new friends.
He's got serious oatmeal ass...take a moment and admire how google voice to text was able to detect oatmeal ass....twice
You know it was a good weekend when; you leave a bi-lingual letter of apology on top of a stack of cash for hotel housekeeping.
Come over, I want to eat cookie dough off your dick.
accidentally stumbled into a construction site at 3am on the way home. The bulldozer was locked so we had to settle for rerouting traffic with all the orange cones...
We're 17 hours into a 3 day weekend, and he's already shitfaced. He fell of the dock TWICE and insisted on wearing a life jacket on dry land.
Sorry for all the texts. I got wasted and woke up at the foot of a staircase. From what I can gather, I fell down it.
Btw. U, me, male strippers, beer. Gonna happen. We could totally get TNT from like u know TNT places
apparently i tried to facetime the drunk bus last night, that's probably why we had to walk back to campus
Drunk ass.
I think we need a list of things that are automatic NO's for dating a guy. Married, definitely a no now
Vodka and tater tots have managed to satisfy me more than most of the guys I've slept with.
WHITE RUSSIAN BREAKFAST CEREAL.
We were having a serious discussion about Blue's Clues and I just kept thinking, 'you've seen me naked'.
Just threw up in a cup driving down the road because there was cop behind me and I didn't want to pull over. Not sure if winning or failing at life.
Randomize
