so now she's a stripper
can't say i'm surprised
Car fucking is for special occasions like birthdays and bank holidays. Don't want to lose the magic by making it an everyday thing.
He asked for his proof of insurance and he pulled out a Magnum by mistake. All of the sudden gignger was looking real good to me.
Why am I drunk on a roof painting at 11 in the morning
Sudden realization: I dumped him because he was too immature, yet I am the one who moved back into my parent's basement post-breakup.
I want to wear something that says I'm a lady (but I have condoms!)
High as shit. I just described caramel syrup on crackers to my mom for 15 minutes...
ALWAYS CAPS LOCK. IS THERE EVER A SITUATION THAT DOES NOT CALL FOR CAPS LOCK? NO.
Sexting? Sexting in caps lock seems rather unnerving.
I WANT YOUR BODY AND I WANT IT NOW.
I rest my case.
Do not tell me that that is not the face of a man who has sex with goats.
I know, I know. But we've discussed my friends and appropriate social behaviour, and I'm pretty sure topless karaoke was a no-no.
You took photos of my underwear around London the day after! THAT was too soon.
Its honestly only a matter of time before I punch him in the face... I'll try to control myself until you guys break up
Please don't bang more than two exes at a time, just so I won't get confused.
I got outsmarted by a door tonight. Twice.
She made me keep my boots on and say "you're welcome darlin" after every orgasm......so yes it was an awesome night.
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