an ex called crying about her current BF. convo ended in phone sex. i love emotional wrecks
There's a Sam Adams brew house. How were we not supposed to go
No one even knew you were hurt until we saw the multiple cuts to prove it, and when we asked what happened all you could say was "I fell out"
Trust me at the end of the night there will be queso smothered places you didn't think it could be smothered
Even though he had a fractured vertebrae, the sex was still phenomenal. Better than normal actually. I hope the vertabrae never heals.
It was fine until they started lighting shots of everclear on fire and making ME take them. That's when shit went down...
What the hell man, you basically stole my girlfriend with a bucket of KFC.
Just found a rebirth in peppermint schnapps. May be able to stay up all night and finish this paper after all. MERRY CHRISTMAS
Of fucking course I get my period on Valentine's Day...
I just took a picture of Austin's dick wearing a hat. Except its not a hat it's a DayQuil cap.
Don't worry. I have logic.... just not morals.
Why did I wake up with a half-eaten burrito and a vaccuum cleaner in my bed? ...on top of me.
I just saw a guy walking down the street without a shirt on and holding a samari sword....
Lol. I liked you the most when we were banging random girls and trying to tag team everything. You were happier then.
His wife found the thong I “forgot” in his glovebox
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