We traveled between two mile markers in 18 seconds. Do the math.
I just came so hard I farted. Twice. Thank God I'm alone.
First night home from college and I already forgot that walking around nearly naked with my laptop open to smut porn isn't acceptable. Sorry, mom.
Since you didn't call me back last night, I can only assume that in 9 months you're going to have a child that I'm going to refer to as, "Daddy's little mistake in Miami."
im keeping my plan b box as a souvenir of my first halloween weekend in college
you pissed in a zip-loc bag and wanted 60 dollars for it
She was wearing a shirt that said "Just Do Me", holding a half of a bottle of Vodka, and was screaming at her friends "PUSSY JUST SWALLOW!" before she chugged the rest of the bottle.
Dude, if you don't take her, I will.
I fell asleep at the bar. And the bouncer threw a snowball at my face.
We were confused who drove until we went outside and her cupholders were torn out of the dash and laying on the ground
She made me sing happy birthday to myself at the urinal.
I could barely talk to the cabbie and I was text bombing everyone. They need to make an auto timer app to prevent people like me from belligerent late night harrassing. And I was seeing double... Prob would have tried to give your leg a bj and then fallen down the stairs.
Bro, I just googled 36 year old pussy so when I do see it I won't be shocked.
You were great dude. You wanted to charge the guy with fedora $100 to get in.
The thought "Ummm which pants am I wearing? ...I *am* wearing pants, right?" just ran through my head. I'm done. So done.
just walked passed a black light...apparently he DID cum.
Randomize
