If immigrants and dwarves find love, why can't I?
he doesn't drink and he's an emt - he'll be our dd for nye in exchange for a threesome tomorrow afternoon.
She just fell in the river. Meet us downstream with the bottle.
hungover subway ride filled with german tourists and a mariachi band. too early. too fuckin early
When you put it that way it sounds like my vagina is a parking garage to be monitored by security guards
Rather than admit to myself he's hooking up with her right now, I choose to believe that he's not responding because he's masturbating to my picture, distraught over his poor choice, and trying to forget about the one that got away with a heavy dose of meth.
I paused mid sex to tell him I wished I'd taken up barrel racing so I could ride better.
Screw disneyland. This military base is the happiest place on earth. Even unnatractive dudes are completely fuckable in those uniforms, im never leaving
I totally gave him head in sync to Beastie Boy's Sabotage playing in the background.
Showed up physical therapy hammered. The therapist just says this isnt part of the program.
He kept singing Happy Birthday to himself, yelling at the bouncers for not letting him in, and telling them his "father will hear of this." He was like a drunken Scottish Draco Malfoy.
Just wanted to say, I appreciate your bravery in having read receipts
he just left the suite without pants on wrapped in Christmas lights
Had a dream last night that we survived the apocalypse. And we celebrated Christmas.
What did I get you?
A 12 gauge and a bottle of vodka that was waist high.
Sounds about right
He's a college graduate, has an excellent job, and respects his family. To say nothing of his 8.5 inch cock. His narcolepsy not withstanding...I'm marrying this motherfucker.
Randomize
