Tampa is so boring. I'm dying. I want lots of cleavage at my funeral. If i cant get laid, i want my friends to. I'm that kind of person
True Life: I puke at bars and try to catch it in my hand...then walk away like it didn't happen
dude skip the party. it is a fucking post office here
what the hell does that mean?
nothing good but a whole lotta male and packages
You can't just say things like "great depression theme party" and then not respond.
Her idea of kinky involved a tazer
wtf?
I'm going back tonight
He tried to spell out "PROM?" in his cum on my stomach during sex. It was terrible
well did you say yes?
just cuz theres a goalie doesnt mean i cant commandeer the goal and become a way better goalie
Some people say 6pm is too early to get drunk. To them I say this dinner is delicious.
Yess he was literally so drunk that like at one point I'm pretty sure he thought it was hard and in when neither were true :/ haha
she's throwing knives it scares me
update: broke ceiling. glass everywhere
Our house drank 90 beers yesterday afternoon before 8pm so add that to the list
The condoms have been found. I repeat: THE CONDOMS HAVE BEEN FOUND. he isn't a collector!!!
I'm glad that we laid to rest the suspicion that he was keeping them in a scrapbook. yayy
i ate her out in full view of all her roomates. the word awkward doesnt even cover it.
public service announcement: beginning at 10pm please text me at half hour intervals reminding me to keep my legs shut tonight. Note, this is not a drill.
Legit sprained my cooter. No joke. Icing her down as we speak.
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