If the Four Horseman of the Apocalypse gang banged each other and had a kid, it would look like the creature I woke up next to this morning.
The child next door sounds like he's having vigorous sex in the backyard and it's making me very, very uncomfortable. I don't want to look.
this weekend will be like the season finale to my life
just got a girls number while on a 5 am adderall cig break this is college at its finest
Did you really end last night's sexting with "Stay thirsty my friend"?
he needs to hurry and make his mind up... i mean i can't keep getting peed on by a guy who isn't even my boyfriend
Birthday Treasure Hunt was to follow the clues. At each spot there was a stick on tattoo and a shot and at the end there was 2 cases of beer. I have 13 tattoos and don't remember turning 18.
Carry on my wayward bro, there'll be beer when you get low. lay your neon tank to rest, dont you rage no more.
I just masturbated to a Jock Jams cd. What have you done today?
It looks like I murdered a care bear and put its blood in my hair to warn the others off.
You said dick pics aren't attractive
Random ones, from strangers, no. But a beautiful penis I know and love, absolutely :3
I just opened a beer with a child's toy at a 5 year olds birthday....can you look up the next AA meeting?!!
Decided to stay in tonight. Completely sober. Just got two drunken booty calls within 5 minutes of each other. This is my life.
So how do u get your coat out of the coat room when someone is fucking on it?
All she said was "Do me by Friday."
Randomize
