They totally botched my boob job. My tits look like they're are winking.
yeah, we don't understand. the wings losing for guys is like girls finding objects in their body..just weird and sad
yeah so our basement was flooded 4 feet. we just smoke and drank and then went swimming. gotta make the best out of it
I've spent the last three hours watching 30 rock and eating marshmallows and ham. I'm considering taking up weed to justify my lifestyle.
I wish I could go about my daily activities with his dick inside me
Just pissed in my own closet. Had no idea adult dinner parties could he so awesome.
I just had cybersex with some guy from the Netherlands for 2 HOURS instead of doing my History project...how's your break going?
Also his beard was very delicious looking. I wanted to touch it so bad, but I held back.
Cuz I feel like I ate the whole candy isle at 7/11 last night and chased it with rum
You pretty much did tho
Call me and get me out of this conversation NOW. My coworker is talking to me about her birds having sex again...
Yesterday we were fuck buddies and today I'm meeting his mom. That escalated quickly.
He will be so fat that the winter can not penetrate his blubber.
I don't get promposals. When I asked my date I was so drunk I couldn't lift my head. Then I puked on my lawn after he said "ok whatever". That's romance
How is it possible for someone who gets so many dick picks sent to her, to be experiencing such a complete and utter lack of dick IRL.
Drunk me just want to text sober me for saving that half rack of ribs I loves you
Randomize
