You should see what I'm doing to your stuffed animals
I just got asked by a man in the alley if i would like to buy 50 dollars of meat for 20 bucks. Its been a weird day.
i feel like the song jizz in my pants was made for him.
Thursdays are my worst days
but now we sippin champagne when we thirstay?
Ya I fucked her.. But now Melissa is gonna find out
Just tell her that in a man's never ending war between his heart and his dick... His heart never wins
Did you really just use your nipple as a unit of measurement?
He blew a .19 and then slurred "well I did have some rum cake earlier today officer".
Dude, i don't know. I don't remember anything after we started chanting/playing "shot of gin."
Hey your work video crashed my computer. The 8 pornos running in the other window didn't. Congratulations.
you said "this ones for the homies" and proceeded to pour the shot into your other cup instead of the ground b/c "good liquor is not meant to wasted no matter the circumstances"
Well, she chose the fuckboy life or the life chose her. Not sure which one but either way I don't need that negativity in my life.
PS I almost downloaded grindr to see if any guys wanted to buy me chinese food..
YOU SLEPT WITH A GUY WHO HAS A BILLBOARD IN HIS HONOR?
Hey do you remember me?
You were a giant banana.... how could I forget.
I have all the porn. Be there soon
Who is this?
Randomize
