I'm really sorry we tried to have sex on top of you last night.
Mom just Facebook checked into an Applebees at 2am. Caption: ''WITH THE BESTIEZ.''
I peed glitter this morning and had a beard drawn on my face with eyeliner. Last time I do shots with gay Dan.
Aside from the fact that im drinking wine straight from the bottle to save doing dishes, im also standing in front of the oven to save turning on the heater. its gonna be a rough winter.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Wow, im gonna be a great doctor..."hi let me save your life but first check out this pic of me deep throating a handle of grey goose"
It's still to early in our relationship to tell her I was sleeping in my car
Well my summer started by me waking up in a tube on the side of the pond this morning with 2 of my friends. So that's good..
He had an extremely smooth butt for a man with such rough hands.
YOURE ABOUT TO SEE SO MUCH UNCIRCUMCISED DICK
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I DID NOT GO INTO HOURS OF STRENUOUS LABOR FOR YOU TO LOOK LIKE A DOMINATRIX BARMAID ON A WEEKDAY. AT LEAST SAVE IT FOR THE WEEKEND GDI.
I AM STRANGELY AROUSED BY THIS UNEXPECTED DEVELOPMENT AND I AM COMPLETELY OK WITH THIS.
When the vodka monkeys are playing a drum solo in my skull tomorrow, remind me I tried to sterilize my body from the inside with titos
I need a fucking roommate.
You need a fucking babysitter.
Hey, before I head out, whats your policy on casual drug use and one night stands?
How does it make you feel that I can't control my vagina around you?
Randomize