It wouldn't matter if you are Jesus Christ himself, you are not getting into the bar tonight
ok this guy next to me just sat down with a no joke, 10,000 page book, popped an addy, cracked open a red bull and opened the book to page 1.
Bars not open yet, I feel like a desperate alcoholic wandering around outside.
Old lady caught me peeing in the street and yelled at me and said "I REBUKE YOU"
I may have just unintentionally roofied a man in a wheelchair
Malt liquor mondays...better in theory.
I agree though, his intact virginity is truly the tragedy of the century.
Executive order 941: BRING ME THE FINEST PANCAKES!
You have got to stop watching the West Wing before going out.
So I'm hiding in my bathroom smoking bowls because my landlords kids came over to visit my dog... My life has reached a new low
I once took a shot of lighter fluid.. That's not a secret just a fucked up story
Is it weird that the girl I'm fucking just wished me luck on my date tonight?
i sent him a picture of his friend's dick and told him he should really stop thinking he's my only option.
Let's not forget that we had sex on the ground in public tonight.
My nipples are raw, I've yet to go to bed, I feel like death, and I'm at work. Thank you jack, crown, and Lafayette!
Dude I had my dad cock block me once
Randomize
