OMG. Drunk.
I'm so glad you fill me in on these things.
Sorry. Must've been trying to twitter.
so i just saw your dad embarking upon a biking journey in full reflective gear
...this stays between you and me
Do you think Patty Mayonase ever went down on Doug?
i just hope all the shady shit stops so i can let him into my pants
I met him yesterday and now he's wanting to hold hands and kiss in public. i hate this
Srsly this has gone to far. Just broke my nose on the toilet. College bars.
The random guy I fucked from craigslist said I had the best smile. I take compliments where i can get them
We are magical, pot smoking, smart as hell, single as fuck, woodland dolphins.
I'm having an emotional breakdown watching baby sloths on YouTube you need to come save me from myself.
Your anal douche was on bathroom counter. Now it's in dumpster. Not ok. I am mad. Very mad.
I can't find the remote or the Doritos. Someone call 911. S.O.S. I sent this in Braille.
This has to be the weirdest conversation I've ever had sober and in the middle of the day before.
Hahahaha. He sent me a dick snap in the lululemon stockroom. What is life. If this works out, this could benefit everyone....
Who put the toilet in the living room? This is extremely inconvenient right now.
So I come home this morning to get ready for a job interview and there is garlic seasoning all over the hardwood and a knife in the wall. What. the. fuck.
Randomize
