dude. I'm so drunk.
pete, this is bryce's mom
I can't wait to have my cock in your ass
pete, this is still bryce's mom
her fupa was seducing me. this is the last time i'm doing shrooms.
Before we started fucking, he laid me on the bed, and asked my what my sleep number was, so that i would be "comfy"
You were Q-tipping mashed potatoes out of your ear.
Just took 4 secret shots in his bathroom to not remember him naked.
I woke up smelling like the ciroc you tried pouring into my mouth last night. I think my clothes are still soaked
Wingman of the year award. I made out with her gay roommate in order for you to get laid. Better have been good.
The gay roommate was probably better than her. Consider yourself lucky.
I think Vodka is my favorite. Everything else ties for second.
I'm two sheets to the sexual wind
I want everyone to love me, and THEN I will choose who gets to eat me out all the time.
Red flag bro. Her only friends are barflys and a teen with a fake ID
I sent a picture of my balls to one of my best friends, so basically it was an average night.
I thought we agreed to no sexting at the school bake sale...
I was at a hookups house and peed in his sink so I wouldn't wake up his mom... drunk me is on a different level
No one can touch me, I'm made of fruit.
Randomize
