All i've done since I got back to my room today is take a three hour nap. Like, I even planned to change my pants and haven't even done that yet.
You are number one in my heart. But in the dick Olympics you're disqualified.
My sister was crawling her way home and kept asking us to carry her,then she insisted on grabbing at our ankles til she passed out, how was your night?
My reasons for going are selfish. She just opened her own law firm. I figure having a lawyer as a friend is a good idea. Nothing in my life suggests I won't need a lawyer again.
I feel like a monkey keeps fucking me in the ear with a trombone as a dick.
In case you're wondering where my head is at right now, it's wishing that I was getting laid and not having a debate about cheese.
THEY AREN'T MARRIED. PUT ON YOUR HOMEWRECKING PANTIES AND GET TO WORK. NO EXCUSES.
At this point, if I'm not getting fucked by a man in ONLY cowboy boots, it's not worth it.
took shots off of a myriad of fake boobs last night. It was glorious.
Please send pictures of any nice new years ladies you run across in town, as I've forgotten what women look like.
I mean I could but due to my age and being a mother and all I feel it's poor judgment to give fellatio in a public establishment.
We probably shouldn't have humped each other in a stairwell for an hour. that was probably my bad
I just got his Save the Dave and, to answer your next question, NO I AM NOT GOING TO THE WEDDING OF THE GUY WHO GOT DRUNK AND CAME ON MY CHEST.
He's just been a dick since he set his face on fire. I just wanted to eat a fucking hot dog.
the guy in front of me in walmart is buying a blowtorch, potato chips, and condoms. I'm curious and horrified at the same time.
Randomize
