He chugged from a bottle of wine and then we had pretend sex
How do you have pretend sex?
It was bad...so it was pretend
Drunk fuck. Had to tell him that the 5 second rule does not apply when your in the bathroom at the hockey game.
she was throwing up and singing "I HAD a feeling that tonight was going to be a good good night." And yeah she was still in her dress.
I swear after i took it all i did was scream for four hours
I'm not being over dramatic, but I think my heart is going to stop beating.
Thanks for convincing the hot dog guy to give me one for $1 after I drunkenly dropped the first one. I loved your reasoning "I know you mark that shit up! I work in retail!"
It wasn't a threesome, it was me making out with one while looking at the other one screaming "does this make you jealous?"
she gave me head while wearing a sombrero and told me it was her "welcome to south of the border" blowjob. i am never leaving mexico.
She told me a motorboat isn't successful unless they come out gasping for air. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED!!!
I was busy. But now I'm about to consume alcohol and chicken. We shall see where this takes us. Maybe to the moon, maybe to the floor. I have no idea.
What?! Why else would they put table cloths on a table if not for discreet oral sex? That's why they were invented! Read a book...
I don't know. She kept pirouetting across the kitchen while making dinner. I just sat there stoned.
Doing a walk of shame at Wal-Mart at 3:30am because when I left at 11pm I was getting milk
So if my boyfriend and I hooked up with the same girl it’s not like I cheated. It’s communal.
Honestly, this social distancing bullshit is giving me a good excuse for drinking alone.
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