Have u ever been so drunk that pissing urself felt like a better idea than walking to the bathroom? I entered those waters last night
I had fun last night. We should have sex less often.
look. either you want to have late night naked sleep overs or you don't. do not involve dinner and extraneous conversations in this relationship.
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
woke up with the bag of wine duct taped to my shoulder.
just saw someone climb out of the dumpster at cvs and start walking down the street like it was completely normal
His pick up line was "your one sexy pumpkin, I'd love to carve." Why would you let me go home with him?
He bought me a oreo ice cream cake with "thanks for not calling the cops!" written in icing. If that doesn't sum up winter break, I don't know what does.
So I'm thinking next semester you should be my own personal maid, nurse, masseuse and chef in exchange for free lodging, any food you can find, and unlimited access to my reproductive organs.
she just stared at nothing and then looked at me and goes, "that's a weird place to put the wall"
If thou doesn't answer thou phone thou shall receive a barrage of Dick pics. It's the eleventh commandment.
I need a beard to bite.
The more time I spend surrounded by Mormons, the more I miss alcohol.
Fuck the walk of shame. I make this shit glorious.
The fact that you arent wearing shoes probably just adds to the classiness
Condom wrapper stuck to my shirt ups the anty
Your parents are gone and we haven't fucked in their bed... why?
Randomize
