I start off june hungover/still drunk stumbling down my driveway with the trashcan at 6am..it's gonna be an interesting month
The tricky part is not getting sand in any orifices. Or is the plural orifi? Orifi don't, we'll both be unhappy...
He made a note in his iPhone tonight so that he would remember that I rejected him.
I just remember making out with this kid's friend, washing blood off my hands and hearing the RA's were looking for me.
Struggs. It's also 90 degrees out but I'm not sure I can feel heat or cold any more. Too hungover.
I don't think I'd trust a marching band with trampolines to not cause serious damage to themselves/ property.
I think I should just accept my destiny that I'm going to be someone's second wife
My tits sealed my fate
We hooked up. It felt slightly wrong considering he is my foreign exchange student but there's a reason America imports. Foreigners got the goods.
whatever the appropriate amount of shots is to consider drunken acrobatics a good idea was a few less than I actually had
It's like my life is one of those movies where after a bunch of outlandish events that only happen in a movie the girl realizes her true life calling and lives a great life with a sexy man of multiple races. But I'm stuck in the fucked up part where 25 year olds come in their pants.
Last night someone asked you what your favorite color was and you said "bagel."
How many ballsacks did you see last night because I saw eight
Please tell me I was just dreaming when I asked if I could borrow your jesus dildo
Interesting fact: if you wanted to rename a guy Jeff, just tell him you only fuck Jeffs. Magically whatever name he was using is actually his middle name cause he doesn't like going by Jeff.
At some point i am going to say to you "i have this really bad idea! You in? " just go with it.
Randomize
