apparently i started the naked brigade. and depantsed everyone who wasn't naked. her parents must hate me.
you know whats weird about having a girlfriend....I look forward to masturbating now....sort of like quality me time.
Bank of America texted me 7 times in 12 hours to say my balance was below $50. I kept transfering money back in. Then I texted my bank saying that it was okay, i knew what I was doing.
Someone shat in the 1st floor west girls hall. Literally SHAT in the hallway
That's what she gets for taking his peeps.
went for icecream. accidentally deepthroated it. my mom gave me a dirty look, but the kid behind the counter looked impressed
I know i should have focused more on what you were saying in the text rather than the fact you spelt "suicidal" wrong
She asked me to head butt her and after half a bottle of whiskey that seemed reasonable.
Throwing up in the car while my mom drives, sister holds the bag & my dad holds my hair. This is how my family bonds.
drinking ice water after you brush your teeth, is like Antarctica blowing a load into your mouth.
If I had pants on, you wouldn't be getting this text message
HE WAS DRESSED LIKE A FISHERMAN AND HE WAS LIKE OH SHIT I THINK I JUST FOUND THE DEADLIEST CATCH i couldnt not go for it my honour compelled me
i can trust myself, just not when im drunk. and drinking is my favorite pastime
Guy pissing in the corner in downtown Boston as his girlfriend is covering him up, yelling "relationship goals"
He's at Disney with 4 kids and I'm drinking wine from the bottle in bed at 2:45pm. Does it sound like we're compatible??
I RAN OVER A NUN! I RAN OVER A FUCKING NUN! GOD WILL NEVER FORGIVE ME FOR MY SINS NOW!!!
Randomize
