dude, the reading rainbow guy was just talking to a HOLOGRAM
Are you sure you're not watching Star Trek?
wait... oh
I accidentally threw away from slim jim and some lady saw me dig it out of the garbage. It was unopened but still, I look so homeless.
Its like Laser Tag, but more fun because it ends in sex
If I pass out leave the food near me so i can wake up to it
You better get here soon. I'm about to spend $30 on a cactus online
The liquor store is having an inventory reduction sale. It would be a sin not to stop and help them out.
And we all know God doesn't like sinners.
Amen.
no guy is ever going to take you seriously as a potential marriage prospect unless you learn to swallow
who do i root for if I want Christiano Ronaldo to win the world cup on a team by himself and then bang chicks on the pitch?
admittedly, it's a little weird getting relationship advice from the mother of a former one night stand. but she's a wise lady and she buys me drinks, so i'm ok with it.
I plan on blacking out and milking a cow
Just smoked the bong while taking a dump. I love living by myself.
My doctor said I can only have one drink at a time, ever, from now on. My life has officially started its decline.
The perfect man would keep a whisky sour in my hand and give me endless sex. I really don't think that's too much to ask for.
I'm not talking about Donald Trump in the midst of sending you nudes
Should I apologize for the loud sex I had in his living room? Because I'm not going to.
Definitely not.
Randomize
