You flung your panties at that guy you liked with an accuracy that I have never seen before.
You better get here soon. I'm about to spend $30 on a cactus online
You kept shouting "Relax and take notes" every time before you would hit the blunt
Let's make jello shots for tomorrow
What's going on tomorrow?
Nothing, it's Wednesday
It's true- you can buy beer at McDonald's in France. I'm not coming back to the States.
Midnight run for medical supplies ended several hours later with a lapdance to the Braveheart soundtrack.
And with me just getting pulled over and you maxing your card out on tennis balls I don't know if we can afford it
YOU ARE NOT A BOTTLE OF RUM THEREFORE I DONT KNOW HOW TO LOVE YOU
So for St Paddys day I colored my junk green and got a little hat for him....wanna see it before I sober up....
Say what you want about my van, but I've got more action there than in my apartment. A body pillow and a joint still go a long way!
Update: day 5 and Scott has not left the apartment. Still smoking. Pizza roll supply dwindling.
a large sweaty girl i dont know is sleeping in my bed. A scotish man and a small child looking dude are on the couches im on the floor sleeping and im ok with it
Buying a new bed right now. My options are limited because I need to be able to be tied to it.
I just had a random tinder dude give me a ride home from school because my car is dead. Tinder rules! It's like Uber, but with boys who want to impress you.
Like I'll lick your nuts to make you feel better if you don't get it
Randomize
