Hey kate, how is it?
sloppy...it's emily. kate just tried to do a keg stand. they dropped her. we're leaving.
Balls are like the throw pillows of the penis
woke up with a sweatshirt on that said "someone special calls me grandma" and a sword. i'm just going to assume that it was a good night
Vodka is such a love hate relationship.
Truer words have never been spoken.
#1 lesson to be learned from mardi gras this year: lock your car doors or some grimy dude like me might just bang in it and use your backseat as a kleenex
No but the chipped one is crooked now. Clearly I didn't use my hands to break my fall. I used my face
Just found out drinking 6 trays of random shots makes me wake up on a club toilet with my underwear and jeans around my ankles
We went to IKEA super baked wearing fake mustaches. You?
Just busted the chick who slept with my boyfriend with alcohol. God I love being an RA.
We had to go. She called the bartender a thundercunt.
all i tweeted was "emergency this is not a drill" and he immediately texted me asking if this was a subtle booty call…it was
The night is not complete until I am drnk and speaking to inanimate objects
I threw up in my backpack last night, but at least it wasn't in the pizza box again
Shut up. The only friend I need in life is Jim Beam because life is meaningless.
I just smoked weed out of a tomahawk, then chased an armadillo with said tomahawk, I love my life.
Randomize
