Small Doughy Asian men and sleeveless hoodies with nothing underneath do not mix well.
Sounds like the climatic scene of my favorite erotic novel.
I'm think I may have given your ex's number to a convicted sex offender.
Win!
Hookers taste better with whip cream
Maybe we ought to get some pennicillin too
Fair enough
So for a second i just thought clitoris was a disease.
Just bonged a beer from a vuvuzela...this place is only doing good for me
His blow is so strong I threw up. Buy it. I'm in nursing school I know what I'm talking about.
I JUST DEFLATED MY BOOB.
I DON'T KNOW WHETHER TO LAUGH OR CALL AN AMBULANCE.
We got Pizza Hut & Papa Johns, delivered within seconds of each other, and both delivery people did a shot. I was put on Earth for this moment.
I think we did. All i know my pants smell like pong water due to the bathroom extravagansa. God I feel like a whore.
You were so drunk last night you left the bar to go buy a razor so you could go home with him
I threw up in my closet when I was hammered last night. Like a fucking toddler. I can't play with the grow ups.
He was so aggressive it felt like he was giving my boob a root cannal
We're currently sharing pics of our cats. I can't wait to sit on her face.
gonna stay in tonight
and im a platypus. shotgun a beer and get your dick to this party. ive got some hot friends visiting
Dude, running 15 min late.
Let's play a game, you pay for all the drinks I can finish before you get here. Go.
Randomize
