another moral hangover. fuck.
i fell asleep last night with fifteen animal crackers in my mouth. rock bottom dude.
i may have used way too many innuedos last night. i scared him off. but really... how could i pass up "stimulus package" and "flacid economy." don't answer that.
I was actually high enough at that point that I was just casually following your glowing footsteps like in Avatar while we ran from the cops.
I ended up with a gash in my head from drunken dancing last night. I love life.
Did you know that if you hit someone in the head with a frozen loaf of bread you can knock them unconscious?
She can drink whiskey without a chaser and has a fridge full of whipped cream. Girlfriend potential
I am going to make your legs soar from cumming so much
Like they're going to fly away?
We interrupt your regularly scheduled Saturday morning programming with this important announcement: you are not the father. I repeat not the father. Congratulations and have a nice day.
Dude made his own urinal by punching a hole in the wall and pissing in it rather than waiting in line. That is the stuff of legends.
Having my alarm go off at 3:30 makes me wanna rip my dick off and shove it through my eye socket
WHY did you say no to the sex seance?
jusy threw up in the airport bathroom. I am no longer thankful for fireball.
Do the security cameras outside your house capture sound? If so your whole family is going to hear me describe my threesome
I swear I have some evil slut demon in me when I'm blacked out
Don't we all.
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