actually, I'm a sock model
should I fuck that poor girl
no dude she won't be able to afford a fucking abortion
Realized I'm still to drunk to comprehend work emails. Marked them all as unread. Here's to responsible hang overs.
Just checked an empty cooler on the flight to Notre Dame. You don't have to tell me you're jealous, I already know.
Just don't have "pin the tail on the straight edge" as a party game... Please and thanks...
the girl in my class has a rolling backpack and just told it to stay. im too hungover for this.
He said female orgasms are a myth and refuses to even try to give me one.
They have a house rule that you get a composite for every 5 guys you sleep with. Where should I hang my new one?
He follows more cats on Instagram then he does girls.. That's how you know your boyfriend is whipped.
So apparently my mom hired someone who goes by "DJ Dog Dick" for the family christmas party?
But truly, sorry about your empty vagina
Thanks boo.
Maybe I'm not hungover. Maybe I'm actually dying.
I don't think he liked your vagina hand signal
I tried to cut you?! I'm sorry! PS where's my hair?
It was like I was gay for pay but except being gay I became straight and instead of for pay it was for coke.
Randomize
