neither the pictures you took nor my hangover explain why there are skittles in my shoe
next time the cops show up in riot gear we should probably leave
and miss being on the news....no way
As i looked at his penis, it stared back into my soul. No more drinking games.
But hes like a baby bird with a broken wing that i want to FUCK.
Drinking ketchup directly out of the bottle does not make it tomato juice.
I have a diplomatic trade for you. My pants for your rum. Tomorrow?
Who spent today in nothing but a vajazzle and candy thong? SORRY NOT SORRY
Drive by water balloon fight on $500,000 boats ended when someone threw a dildo
I've been there a week.. I'd rather all my coworkers not know that I'm already sleeping with my boss.
Is there a classy way to tell him that to thank him for his service I would like to put his dick in my mouth?
"Happy Veterans Day! Now pull down your pants."
I am the fucking FIFTH wheel. How do you think it's going?
earned some solid air miles from the plan B I just bought. #silverlinings
Was it you I was with where I saw a guy open a beer with his butt?
OMG OMG OMG Ive hit the penis jackpot
It seriously took everything in my power not to sleep with him
What did it come out and serenade you? Lol
It sang to me in the dark. It was magical
Well, we went shopping. He bought me starbucks and ate me out in the change room at target. If that isnt the best post covid first date, I don't know what is
Randomize
