I hate when people uglier than me have girlfriends
He tugged on my tampon string and said 'there's a snake in my boot'. Needless to say he called me Woody and quoted Toy Story the rest of the night.
My T9 Word has dryhumped saved but I can't even get it to figure out bbq.
new low: my hungover self just mistook bacon grease for mashed potatoes. worst. mistake. ever.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just broke no shave november. hello backed up drain december.
The fish's death was accidental. We all said a few words at his funeral. Roomie wanted to play only the good die young as he swirled down the toilet bowl
I just had a boat ride of shame. With Senior Citizens.
He may only be 25% black, but after that sexual experience I am 100% never going back.
One of the guys I danced with wanted to give me his number so I convinced him I had a photographic memory and that I would remember it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hey my dad gave me life the least I can do is take him chicken strips and a pack of marlboros.
you made a mix containing mostly whiskey. then you took a sip, gagged and yelled "perfect!"
his first act of 2015 was getting stabbed
I threw up in my backpack last night, but at least it wasn't in the pizza box again
At least be KIND OF sobering up before you text me, I've told you before I don't speak vodka unless I've been drinking it with you.
PS WHY wasn't I drinking it with you? Dick.
He was more upset that I got into his phone than about getting caught cheating.
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