i thought she was just hairy. i didn't know she was also a man.
My husband just tried to seduce me by saying we can do it doggystyle so you can watch tv
I've slept with so many tools that you'd think my pussy was Home Depot.
GUESS WHAT I JUST LICKED
I feel like half our conversations start this way.
You kept calling me your small dog last night.
i just threw up ON my final. epic way to end the semester.
so the time management class we had to take for work seems to be working. I just beat off instead of waiting for gf to get home bc it fit my schedule better.
Remember in school when they told us our vag was made just the right size for our future husband? I must say I am enjoying trying to find that perfect fit.
Using your Catholic School education as an excuse for this? Why didn't I think of that?!
i'm in that phase where i'll swallow anything except food
My liver is whispering mean things about me to my kidneys. It's a fucking miracle I'm not hungover. Lol
I just found one of your beard hairs in my oatmeal.
Lest it die in the depths of eternal drunken recall denial...we peed in the street. Middle of the street. Simultaneously. Peed. Street. Middle of street.
I was cock-blocked by a swat team last night.
This should be illegal
It is
I mean more illegal... I shouldn't have this
she was all excited about us being eskimo sisters and then i was just like "alyssa i've literally been inside of you" and she got even more excited
Randomize
