Do you think an esthetician would be willing to wax the Chanel Cs into my crotch? That way, whenever a guy gets ready to pound on it I can go "Careful, it's Chanel."
VITAMINS IN VODKA. IM NOT LYING.
This will be amazing. Plus he's going to do a line of cocaine off of the other guy's ass.
I think they were cool with it, they should have know if I was the host of the baby shower it was going to involve a keg and jager shots.
We legitimately thought something was wrong with you until someone pointed out you were just doing the thriller dance
And don't worry, my exact words were "I can't believe a baby came outta that thing"
I think I just snorted head and shoulders by mistake.
Here's the level of my committment: I'm not participating in the Olympic opening ceremonies drinking game. THIS IS SERIOUS.
You were convinced you would hurt my car if you opened the door. Then you barfed in the pretzle bucket Peter gave you
They kept barging in on us saying random shit. At one point they came in yelling room service! and threw soda at us bruising my foot. Weirdest injury I have gotten during sex.
Of course I understand. Thou shalt never turn down a free meal or drink. It's one of the commandments of being a girl.
I just realized I'm currently not eating carbs, drinking alcohol or having sex. 2014 is off to a horrible start.
Just got tinder matched with my COMM TA. Game on.
Welcome to my Tuesday when my lesbian ex girlfriend shows up unexpectedly and gets me drunk and then leaves
Speaking of dumpster fires, your ex tried to add me on Facebook
Randomize
