Proposition. Sex. No words, no talking about it later. I just want you tonight.
the people of mcdonalds are all starring at me & this dude like they know we just slept together
all ten of us were sitting in his room with the lights off and staring at his colorful moving screensaver for two hours. That high.
I don't understand but I fell asleep naked holding a tub of cool whip and a boiled egg
Actually I think I might be dying right now so if I do you have to drink all my vodka
You're so demanding.
The only way to make beer can wizard staffs any better is to sew your own wizards robe and hat to go along with it. welcome to tuesday nights at my new apartment
We literally just Chinese fire drilled so I could give him road head.
That's totally the Emoji for "just ran into some girl who knows I know she had an abortion"
Just sent my cousin to buy me a new bra cause mine is zip tied to a bar in the middle of nowhere Iowa
I can always see lesbian subplot. It's my hero ability.
Man, I meant to go dancing, but accidentally took mushrooms and just threw the frisbee in the park
Surprise ending
Obviously last night's theme was "Let's Make Bad Life Choices"
Tune in tm morning for how to buy Plan B in a foreign country while coming down off ecstasy
pls come tAke this super bath no romo it's just. so nice.
Where'd you go?
Laundry, im. A responsible drunk
Randomize
