i'm going to invent a mini fridge that can hang from faucets so i don't have to get out of the bathtub anymore for a cold beer. its a million dollar idea
nothing can ever be as bad as the night i blacked out, updated my fb status to i need a pity fuck and then passed out for 13 hours.
Just rinsed and put my styrofoam cup of noodles in the dishwasher. I need to be not hungover ASAP
I'm like a walking PSA for tequila shots
How many strippers in the world do you think have had a debate with someone about the NRA?
I understand that just don't try to seduce me while making frozen pizza again.
You can't just take out your bong for hits in public places... That's what pipes are for. You've got to be stealthier.
No, it's okay because this is the city of trees.
YOU'VE ALREADY BEEN BUSTED MORE THAN ONCE. THAT'S NOT A VALID EXCUSE FOR BONG HITS IN COFFEE GARDEN
I preemptively put on a cape before eating a bunch of weed brownies. Best decision ever.
Who brings nunchucks to a funeral?
I just watched will sing pure imagination from willy wonka and then blow a banana
All my friends are getting married and I'm pole dancing in a tattoo shop. I don't know how I feel about this.
They spent thousands on one day. You made $76 in 30 minutes. You should feel great about that.
where are you?
two trains and a bus walk of shame. so not worth it.
I purposely left my thong and accidentally left my ethics book, hairspray and most of my dignity.
Drunk man just fell out of said wheelchair
I guess I’m only into threesomes at Halloween, because I just woke up next to “Marilyn Monroe” and “Joe DiMaggio” in their condo
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