i wonder why nobody wants to date me...im doing a crossword at work and asked out loud: whats a 4 letter word for 'a reason to get married?'
i was like PREG?
I cant find my shoes, my wallet, or my keys, but i know where your sister is.
"Party in the USA" was played at church youth group last night. It was like everything I enjoy hating was aligning against me.
we've been dating more than a month and i just realized there's no hair on his chest..
you've had sex with him. you must've seen him naked.
nah, i feel like naked sex would be getting too serious for us..
His foreplay reminded me too much of breastfeeding.
Did you get the "i have a yeast infection from that wet frat bathroom floor" text?
he just used "boss" and "boner" in the same sentence. I cant respond.
and after i failed the breathalyzer i said to the cop "i've never been very good at tests"....
Have your arms or hands ever gone numb after drinking too much?
Wtf did you do last night?
Stop whining I left you with whiskey
YOU LEFT ME WITH WHISKEY ALONE IN A CABIN IN THE MIDDLE OF NOWHERE I AM GOING TO DIE.
Also CANADIAN LIPS TASTE OF MAPLE SYRUP AND APOLOGIES. SORRY.
This little girl and her dad are walking behind me. "Why is he wearing pajamas?" Mind your own business, kid.
I don't drink nearly as much when I'm coupled, and that's not a lifestyle I can commit to
Your english degree would kill itself if it could read that text.
maybe a couloe typos.. noooooooooo big deal
you are the only girl i know that would bring a plate of cookies to a hook up. but they were awesome. thanks. next time cupcakes?
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