My freaking DENTIST just commented on my hickies. Through the novacaine I managed to mumble 'It was my birthday' and she smiled knowingly.
His room was full of guns. It was like having sex with Clint Eastwood.
He kept spanking me and talking about biomedical science.
Aw, you fucked a pre-med? you're moving up in the world!
I went to grab his drink and my hand grazed his dick. It was magical.
I know this request is pointless but you two please try to keep the drinking and drug use to a minimal, I have bail money so write my number on your arm and a "if found call", wear a life jacket and act like a responsible 28 year old please.
My Mom printed off all of my Augusts text messages. Apparently I've been drinking WAY too much and having an intermediate drug problem. I have to go home everyw weekend for the rest of the semester
I'm trying to find candidates for my winter break hook up. I'm going to hold auditions thanksgiving break.
Throwing up so forcefully that toilet water hits you in the face is not what the Pilgrims and Indians had in mind for this holiday
New low, passed out while taking a shit for an hour with my parents home, suprised they didnt notice
I sexy timed too hard and there is an ass shaped piece of a ping pong table now missing bc of it. How am I allowed to leave the house without a helmet?
she's five days sober.....are those consecutive????
5 days not 5 nights... like a bad hotel/vacation deal
He will be forever remembered as "birthday failure" ...Got him to pierce his tongue in my bathroom, but not sleep with me......
I'm sure you're still partially crippled from thar blow job on Saturday, so I understand it's probably difficult to text.
And they're not making a turkey. My cousin was "hoping to shoot a bird this week"
Let's just face it you're going to have an arrangement with your future wife your fuck me on Thursdays
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