I think we should go ahead and pin a note to my shirt when we go out that says"do NOT buy me shots"
On the back we can put possible side effects may include: indiscriminate making out, brief crying spells, yelling in jibberish, and sudden sleep.
Girl last night got so wet when I was going on down her it flooded up my nose. I nearly drown
I'm at my inlaws playing Scrabble. Go Fuck Yourself.
So after i got done, she went over and got out her gecko, I felt like I was in an X rated geiko commercial.
once she started licking the door on the stall, i got out of there and told her bf "this is your problem now" and walked away
she literally hasn't taken the mardi gras beads off in three days. she showered in them. TWICE.
Last night I texted her to confirm she could start designing costumes for my show this week.
That is one convoluted booty call.
Its kind of weird knowing that im only seeing you that day to fuck in some woods
Would jacking off with Benadryl cream be good or bad for the poison oak on my dick?
that almost beats the chick I saw smoking a joint while uni-cycling past my house at 4am. Almost.
That's it. I'm moving to LA & sitting on his face.
go for it girl, the world is ur dick oyster
sometimes you just have to listen to beyonce and cry. that's how life works
apparently in the middle of sex, i said "i just really love the food network i watch it every day"
Only true party girls take their birth control with Smirnoff.
Nothin much, just sipping warm franzia from a plastic valentines wine glass while wrapped in my Mexican blanket listening to sappy country songs and mourning my lack of a love life. Hbu?
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