this guy showed up at my house asking for his sword and cape. something tells me i shouldn't drink that much again.
Remind me that when I'm pregnant, I should NOT post vaginal dilation updates on my facebook. Ever.
4 to the list in one week. Slutsville isn't as fun as the brochure promised.
Hey, next time you have sex, flick his balls, and tell him "thats for getting spit in jennifer's eye and laughing about it."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You slammed your forties down on the table and yelled "I AM EDWARD FORTYHANDS" then mumbled something about repping Idaho like a champ and laid down on the couch.
I look like slutty woodland creatures dress me in the morning. Everybody's got problems.
I climbed out of the shower to him sitting on the floor trimming his pubes with nail clippers, we both just started laughing at how drunk we were
Did body shots with a guy... Ended up being the ref of my volleyball game... So that's why we won
I'm pants less watching buffy the vampire slayer drinking rum. I'm not that hard to impress
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hey, thanks for not calling the cops when I answered the door naked, high as fuck, and covered in red velvet cake batter.
His fucking flight got canceled because the president stopped at the airport he was flying out of... Fuckin Obama literally just cock blocked me
I literally JUST MADE IT to the liquor store. I bought a box of wine with the lights off
Why do I have this feeling like this is heading in a slightly threesome-y direction
My manager gave me an envelope with money in it before he had vacation, and when I asked what it was for, he said it will be his bail money.
Do you ever just admire your boobs?
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