Things he has used as lube on me: olive oil, cologne, purell, spit, tanning oil, and bottled hotel lotion
He needs to save up for some actual ky before my vagina gets an allergic reaction
just broke no shave november. hello backed up drain december.
But guess what. I'm gonna roll over and go to sleep cuz there's no cuddling in phone sex.
I like that we make it a requirement to howl at the moon every time we get drunk together.
This has been your unwelcomed wake-up call, brought to you by exes united. Have a good day, to opt out please type "STOP", to continue but act as though they do not exist please enter "DON'T CARE" for random daily wake up texts by exes united please press "PSYCHO!"
I will cut you
Oddly enough thats the second time today someones said that to me
Put that in perspective
Just saw the german running around on campus. Thought of his small penis.
As you should.
i'm calling it my monica lewinsky shirt now. may it live forever in infamy.
This Halloween will be different. I'm just here to get shitfaced, not troll around looking for slutty nun pussy.
We had him convinced Visine is flammable. He was genuinely freaked out that everyone would know when he was stoned.
I would say I miss her friendship, then I remember that she gave 4 guys the clap. I'm good.
yyyea i think im gonna go get a bowl and play skyrim. And by bowl i mean something i can throw up in, not weed
Get his dick out of your ass and put on some pants we're here
Has anyone ever blacked out at an art show your dad brought you to?
His dick isn't even good enough to be this much of an asshole
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