It doesn't matter if they shave you or not, you're still susceptible to the staph infection.
You put a thong on my pumpkin didn't you.
I've come to accept that no matter where I step in our apartment, your underwear will be there.
Had a student tell me he misses the old Four Loko. He's in 7th grade. No one is allowed to claim I started drinking too young ever again.
I keep calling his kid the wring name. This is not helping my cause. And by cause mean his dick
I found my phone outside under the leaves by the curb. What the fuck did I do last night
I WAS a history major. I also WAS a functioning human being. Fuck gin.
guys with girlfriends don't have a leg to stand on when they get mad at you for fucking other guys
In hindsight following that black guy in the ghostbusters costume was a terrible decision on everyone's part
If I show up to the mall alone looking like I do to purchase a vibrator and some Japanese food, I would judge me too.
Well I've made a drinking game out of the Wiggles but I think I've got this babysitting thing down
Alcohol and IMDB don't always mix with 100% accuracy
When we became besties with benefits we agreed I could still get dick
I didn't think I'd have to specify "not my Dad"
I used to shoot steroids in my ass but for a totally different reason
I put him in the supply closet, used the copy paper to build a fort around him and his wheelchair, then he fucked me in the fort.
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