Call me immediately, my only recent boy news involves me biting a dick.
Congratulations, you are no longer the only person who has watched me drunkenly pee on their furniture.
Everyone knows relationships are a winter sport
I never want to hear the words unlimited shots for boobs in the same sentence ever again.
Guess who won a bet and gets to name it Optimus prime if it's a boy
Nevermind. Totally worth it.
Mother fucker, I knew it was bad when you tried making out with my car window
I told him I'd clean his cock if he ever sent my GF another text message. It was a horrific time for me to miss the l key on my iPhone.
Nah. And this is true. It's like you were trained by sexual Jedi or something.
*jedi wave* this is the penis you were looking for
Due to last night I think a roommate constitution should be made. The first law will be designed to prevent any chicks below a 4 to enter the house.
He invites me over too FucK and i wind up eating 6 jimboys tacos with his roommates. While he waited in his room. Maybe next time
I responded with "neat-o burrito" to his SEXT...he tried so hard and I just panicked.
I knew deleting his texts was a bad idea and I was right. I just used the last time we talked to help me figure out when I had my last period
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos?
Last night I realized my life is an experiment of really bad decisions when I had to leave without my underwear. But at least I'm expanding my life experience.
The cure for a hangover evidently is not walking around in a costume in the sun towards of park of screaming children
Randomize
