Already got asked if we're dating
i guess that's what happens when you find your girlfriend at the zoo
its always fun the next morning to look around the room and see where all the clothing landed.
Just hungoverly hit my funny bone with a hot straightener. Triple threat.
i just ate an entire onion plain. all alone. i have never felt more single in my life
Wow. This hand sanitizer smells awesome. It's like I just gave a handjob to a fruit basket.
You are number one in my heart. But in the dick Olympics you're disqualified.
I had this image of some guy in a taco truck down by the IMA accosting you for a peep show.
You overflowed the toilet cuz you tried to flush apples. you said they were singing too loudly
Has anyone ever told you you're majestic like a sea turtle when you fuck?
And your cock privileges have been revoked.
HIV testing and a light brunch. Sounds like a great way to spend Christmas Eve.
Maybe you'll have a Christmas miracle
WE'RE NOT MAKING A DICK PIZZA OKAY
do you think your dog feels awkward being in the background of your nudes?
Literally I can feel my heart beat in my vagina because of how sore I am
Eh, it could have been worse. I may or may not have been wearing a jedi cloak while getting my dick sucked.
Randomize
