What are you doing?
High. Watching Billy Mays infomercials...
That guy could sell me cancer.
Don't be mad at me. I know peeing in your drawer is 1 thing and peeing on you while you're sleeping is another, but im sorry..i love you
Drinking mikes hard & watching the swan princess. i fucking LOVE college
I just want you to know how happy I am that you are circumcised.
just letting you know that jen either: wasn't feeling well and ate grass to make herself throw up or threw up because she's stupid and ate grass
I was worried he'd break you after the hiatus your lady parts had to take from social interaction.
is anything happening tonight?? I'm soooo in need of a tasteful and healthy bender.
I won't trust your judgement until the word stripper doesn't make me laugh
You don't know how emotionally damaged I am from crashing into that park maintenance van. I'll never ride a bike because of it.
I just changed all my morning alarms to wake me up with different Jesse McCartney songs telling me I'm beautiful. Would you believe I'll be 25 this year?
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
Magyver!
we can no longer cook chicken in the house. his name is herbert, we are keeping him and can not eat his people in front of him.
I believe the only reason I am slightly functional right now is the leftover drugs in my nose that I keep sniffing
he's annoying when i'm sober but vaguely hot when i'm drunk so yes i do have a preference and it goes by the name of vodka
YOU'D BE LIKE A MERMAID! I'll bring you coffee filters to cover your tits.
Randomize
