She said so on her MySpace, so it's gotta be true.
so i did it. i barked while i was ejaculating. not a word was said by either of us afterwards.
so how much did i say i owed you?
$5 and a new fuck buddy.
Im watching someone hooking up in the library
procrastination at its finest
gonna sleep on the stairs... to drunk to keep going up, way to drunk to go down, gonna find a comfy spot right here... its safer that way
Howd you meet this guy?
I found him next to my pants on sunday morn.
bark. im thoroughly looking forward to kegs and eggs. next weekend should be pancakes and pinnical, then cereal and seagrams and then whiskey and waffles.
I am drunk. Riding an elevator. You can smell the beer. Doctor on with me just smiling at me... He agrees, fuck cancer.
every Thursday i draw one of my friends names out of a hat to choose who i will drunkenly text all weekend
Just bartered a McD's cheeseburger and fries for two pitchers. Oregon Trail ain't got shit on me.
I've spent hours masturbating before. It's actually my favorite Sunday activity
Hey, you should go to your facebook ASAP... i'm guessing you're wasted but you just uploaded a picture of someones dick...and everyones taking bets now if its Rick or Mikes..
we f'd six times
f'd?
its sunday, i cant say fucked
I've realized that my life is a cycle of high that is only broken by sobering up at work, which only happens because I can't smoke more
The hump and dump is a beautiful thing
This date is awful. He’s too boring to bang
Is porn accurate? Can I order a pizza and do the delivery boy?
Randomize
