I called her the wrong name twice and she still called me back this morning. DO I still wait two days to call her back?
they're making a venn diagram comparing gummi bears against gummi worms...is this what i have to sit thru to get free weed????
cum and cheesecake for breakfast...don't fucking tell me pride week isn't awesome
you woke me up just to tell me that I was beautiful in every way possible. Then you proceeded to fall asleep with your mouth on my boob.
Weed smoke burps in the boss's face. Job security.
How do you get mayonnaise out of... well jesus it's everywhere, let's start with carpets
Saturday at 4 is jello wrestling sponsored by the senior class council. That's why my school is awesome. Boom.
When I left you, you were walking into a room with a half naked girl. When I returned 2 minutes later, you were locked out of the room naked and she was screaming obscenities from inside. How do you manage to make every girl hat you?
I need to be drunk within 15 minutes of getting home tonight.
It makes me feel all patriotic & free... And borderline diabetic.
Bitch I slept on the ground 2 nights running
I crawled to the bathroom this morning there were cornpops scattered on the floor? What was I doing last night?
She thought I was dancing but I just couldn't catch my balance for 11 blocks.
Can I make sure all my sluttiness goes to you when I die? You're the only person I know who'll make use of it
Apparently last night I was doing back bends for the guy making my easy mac because clearly it wasn't easy enough for me.
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