More dangerous that a broken heart and a shotgun.
He finally told me that he's married. I guess it doesn't really matter.
I don't know how I got that girl last night. I feel like seal right now sans the scars
For once I'd like to have a Taco Sunday without having some random drunk chick flee my house half naked and in tears.
What's the kids name that was drinking stale beer and redbull out of the blender?
We hooked up with his aunt passed out next to us. It was just like old times.
These eggs taste like chocolate chip cookies. This is the best hangover ever.
I think rendering her infertile would be a valid community service project
So I just told the bartender I would go down on her. You need to get here
Yea we had fun. Lost my wallet some girl has it. Sarah fell asleep in a cab and ended up at some wawa. It was cray. She's home now
I just got a get of my turf look from a hooker. Apparently, Ninja Turtles T-shirt+Jeans+Flip-Flops=Hooker Gear. Woot.
IF I CANT STRIP TO SANTA BABY THEN WHY EVEN HAVE CHRISTMAS.
So red wine goes with eggs, right? Because that's all I have in the house to cook and the drinking options are either wine or scotch
You kept calling yourself a spider monkey... Then ran to the bathroom to "prepare for the main event"
ETA 20 minutes and if you greet me at the door with a gin & tonic I’ll give you head.
Randomize
