that drag queen yelled at him and touched me to make him jealous and said things like this is what a real man feels like. it was a thrill.
I love that we get drink and call each other crying. It's kind of our thing.
Oh i know my limit. 9 shots after i've given blood.
I walk in and my mom takes one look at me and just says, ".... Consequences"
you have a cum towel under your bed, you're the definition of single
It's amazing the difference a day and 2000 mg of antibiotic make. Nine days to go.
if I could send you my dick right now I would. that's how good of a friend I am.
You get drunk and try to bury your girlfriend in the sand JUST ONCE and all hell breaks loose
I woke up at 5:47 in the morning to you peeing on my parents bedroom floor. I think we've established that you have a limit .
We lost a condom inside me, I had to fish it out. The next day he gave me a Gone Fishin' bumper sticker. True love at its finest.
Never has jello made me angry to the point of drinking. But here I am.
Because cocaine and lesbian hookups on a Tuesday cannot be the new normal
He's driving 2 hours to visit me and he's bringing weed. I love him so much.
What type of bandaid should I use on my clit
Just got an x-ray done of my hip and you can clearly see the outline of my penis in it. When the doctor saw it she said "wow I haven't seen one that big on an x-ray before." Pretty sure the doc and the nurses are going to be talking about me on their lunch break.
Randomize
