My husband just tried to seduce me by saying we can do it doggystyle so you can watch tv
Apparently Chef Boyardee is the only guy I'm taking home tonight.
Woke up. Made a pizza. Burnt it. Going back to bed cuz today sucks
I just followed a trail of feathers and glitter to class. Today better be fucking magical.
Instead of just putting in it he asked "will you do the honors?" it was the cutest thing I had ever heard before sex.
Dudeeeee, i ordered strippers for my party.
I ordered a moonbounce.
Fuck, you win.
I forgot how wholesome of a place a park is when youre not drinking there.
Woke up this morning on my doorstep in a basket with a branch, a lipstick lightning bolt on my head and a sign that said "the boy who lived." i love you guys.
I got a thank you card in the mail from the virgin i slept with on the camping trip. Weird or the new classy?
The dorm having an ice machine is their way of inviting us to make mixed drinks.
Last thing I ever expected to say, "Get your finger out of my ear or I will stop sucking your dick."
lol I'll trade you jello for a tampon
what a trade!
Me and dad were just reflecting on that time he found a gas mask bong in the backyard.
When he busted out the ketchup I got the hell out of there. It got really creepy really fast.
I just found glitter glue on my jesus bracelet...am I really that gay?
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