I'm at derby!
The kentucky derby! But its night time, theres no way the horses are awake at this time.
I was worried if he didn't show me his penis, he would kill himself
i got a mint flavored condom from wellness day...im kind of tempted to taste it
so apparently I plead the 5th to every question they asked me when they put me under the conscious sedation to set my broken wrist
Some drunk couple just made out on the sidewalk and it reminded me some sweet moments we have shared...
Just don't have "pin the tail on the straight edge" as a party game... Please and thanks...
she got to the point every few minutes she checked to see if her boobs were still there.
They only knew me as the lesbian that passed out in a bathtub. That's not what you call friendship.
Note to self: don't tell your girlfriends dad you can have his daughter in bed by ten and home by midnight. He doesnt find it funny
Girl we've come a long way since our first Brazilian wax
My boob is missing a layer of skin
When you put the phrases "just out of shower" and "did you get the picture" that close together, a picture of hamburger helper is not exactly what I expected to pop up.
I bet I give better head than any other PTA mom.
In California. Through an entire game + OT. That’s a long time to have an octopus in your pants.
welp, we watched the human centipede high last night and my mind literally shut down, when i came to all i could hear was mel saying EAT EAT HIS SHIT
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