i don't know what kind of porn he watches.. but that is NOT how you do it...
Dude i just want you to know that when i found you half your mustache was already gone. I didn't do it.
He taught me how to drive a stick by using his dick. He even made the whurrrr noise so I knew when to change gears.
Tempting. But I already used the alcohol poisoning excuse at work this month. No way he would believe it a second time...
I'm not making any promises. But if I start throwing food at you, just go with it.
So I love how we keep introducing our friends to sex toys. It's like pay it forward vibrator edition.
After a couple hours you decided you were going to walk home but ten minutes later you called and said you'd puked by the side of the road and you needed us to drive you to the art museum.
Tomorrow's thirsty thursday is now sponsored by the three time champion, chemisty failure. celebration starts asap.
I will be naked everywhere
Shout out to this stomach virus for helping me prepare for whatever slutty Halloween costume I decide to wear.
Well, if worst comes to worst, I have pictures of his penis that I can put on the internet
I'm literally 40 minutes from where I was supposed to stay. I woke up in a parking lot.
Well I just saw a fully naked man doing a headstand in a cooler of ice water.
I just saw the co founder of Waffle House passed away Friday. Are you okay?
That's about the same time my life started falling apart... Coincidence?!?!? I think NOT!!!
There was one thing about my NYC trip I forgot to tell you: I took a dump in Trump Tower
Randomize
