Anything crazier than usual happen? I woke up in a stairway with my cock out.
i just used a pokemon card to do blow. i need an adult. now.
If you liked it then you shoulda put your dick in it, oh uh uh oh
i had to take my roommates dildo out of her suitcase so I could use it
the suitcase or the dildo?
Vaginas are confusing as hell with all their secret compartments and shit.
I'll get my vaginal cartography poster.
Some guy seriously just got Jimmy Johns delivered to him at the graduation ceremony. This cannot be real life.
He said you stopped mid-fuck, called fives on his dick, walked out to grab another drink, and came back.
I'm really glad that we can be casual hook up buddies. This is a true friendship. Now, please convince your roommate to do the same. Thanks.
Is it just me or does the sex still keep getting better? I wasn't crying, my eyes just watered from how hard I was cumming.
We need a bunch of roses, some chocolate, 2 cops, a mariachi band, and a thermometer
Never thought I would be taunted by little kids about my walk of shame
And then my night got REAL pukey
She shoved her hand down my pants and held my cock for thirty minutes in the bar. It was like she was letting all the other females know I was hers.
YOU'RE NOT THE ONE BEING EVISCERATED BY YOUR OWN UTERUS SO GET SOME DAMN SLEEP YOU FOOL!
I deserve a medal for being woke up at 6am on my day off by your mother asking where your brother is
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