I puked the same amount of times as the number of bars i went to last night
I haven't seen Daniella all day...are you sure she was safe going home with that guy?
oh don't worry! i asked him if he was a rapist. he said no
My dora the explorer band aid does not cover up the shame i feel right now
I changed the background on my phone to a picture of you so whenever I go to look at porn or text another girl I'll have second thoughts
Am I supposed to find that romantic?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Called the cops on a high school party then went in after all the kids ran away and took the rest of the beer. What are you doing tonight?
You screamed "there will be blood" and punched some random guy in the face. So no, we can't go back to that bar.
Breakfast Clubbing as Juggalos. I can feel our IQs in freefall.
Well I just put wine in my tea
You mistakenly try to piss in a cactus bush ONE TIME and are forever dubbed cactus ass
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude, I work in two hours. Unless you can find Chris Hemsworth and convince him to have a three-way with us, I'm not getting out of bed.
Also food confession I ate an entire bag of starburst jelly beans today. and a plan B. All around think I hit all my nutrients
I just quoted part of the Pokemon theme song in a sext... And it worked
I'm actually pretty sure the amount of alcohol I drank last night erased memories from other times in my life.
Took the ex out to the bar, then left with her and her best friend....and you said this was a bad thing.
Just got an x-ray done of my hip and you can clearly see the outline of my penis in it. When the doctor saw it she said "wow I haven't seen one that big on an x-ray before." Pretty sure the doc and the nurses are going to be talking about me on their lunch break.
Randomize