so my aunt is sitting on the couch, eating a brownie and watching the biggest loser saying how it's not that hard to eat healthy
man i love america
Hey sis... Don't forget moms day is this sun. And don't get her another gift while you are freakin high this time. The vibrator was embarrassing.
FYI the vibrator was a SUCCESS. She was in a much better mood this last year. Maybe you should get high this time and get a great gift
Her friend drew me a diagram of how we could get away with her giving me a blowjob at work.
dude uncooked spaghetti noodles dipped in thousand island dressing is better than it sounds
I try to help out whenever I can. Speaking of rough nights I woke up half naked on Brady's couch with bloody paper towels duct taped to my foot.
Looking for the remote in the couch. Finding Adderall beads. Considering utilizing.
I would totes be making out with random people in the name of america if I was at the white house right now
Unless you consider jello shots food the answer is no there is no dinner here. When u get food get more wine too tired of you coming over drinking all my booze and destroying my vagina
And after we were done he said "Let's play a game! Who can find their clothes first"
I am not getting you a goat.
Fair enough. I am not going out with you. The goat was not negotiable.
When he wakes up tomorrow with half shaved legs smelling like a preteens bathroom, I'm sure he will think he has had a great evening
I told him I wish we were at my house cause then I could tell him to get out after we had sex.
The cat ate a weed mint. This is not a drill
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
you should come have a drink with me (non alcoholic or otherwise) im at the same bar as your sister and a few guys that would apparently "lick your butthole"-congratulations
Randomize
