I'm eating oreos and watching porn. This is your fault.
do u think i could put an abortion on my debit card?
I just saw the Donald Trump of homeless quys walking down the street. He had three shopping carts and a bike.
I love you. And by the way. I found out a way for you to train your gag reflex. Elliot taught us in math.
i just drank the rest of the vodka . Btw why did we put candy corn in it?
It's not like I'm never gonna put out again. I'm a sure thing. I promise.
i think they forgot i was still in the room... she grabbed his balls and said "i feel a fire coming on".
i had choclate birthday cake for breakfast and am currently flossing my teeth w a condom wrapper. at work. hot mess for 200 alex
you are not my drinking buddy, you are my drinking enemy.
Absinthe night with my dad again, I could get used to this being home thing.
If you are breathing, I want you at your house. No non-breathing-related excuses.
Getting a blow job while breaking up with my gf helps cope with the pain... Kinda weird her best friend is giving me the BJ
I walked in..crop dusted the whole place then asked her if she wanted to go to a place that smells better.
You were always a thinker
WAIT this kid is eating yogurt with a fucking ladle. what is happening?
This is why I love being gay. I could never afford that much birth control.
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