We walked in and the first thing we heard was, "OH SHIT! White chicks!" Naturally, I made some new male friends.
They're making scrambled eggs at 2 in the morning... with rum
Apparently everytime he put me down to bed I escaped out the window, I faintly recall climbing into the canoe in the back yard, and air paddling.
he has been on a 2 week bender, has been homeless for a week and a half, and leaves for madagascar in 2 days. Do we worry or is that normal?
We asked an illegal alien to buy us beer. He didn't even want a tip. I'm going to Washington to plead that case.
I think I've officially made out with the entire starbucks staff.
Ive made peace with the fact that i will accomplish nothing except liver damage today
Home. Barefoot. Drunk. Crying. Puked. Brushed teeth. Washed face. Dying. Need Cuddle.
Oh god he's like Julia Roberts in pretty woman... And I'm the one who's gotta make a lady out of him.
Do you think I should still be the condom fairy for Halloween even though I'll be like.. Almost 8 months pregnant?
Just blew a guy who had the same phone case as me. It was destiny.
Well, after emptying the contents of my stomach into a fucking rose bush, the only things moving through my digestive system are pills, coffee, and my own lip gloss. If that gives you any idea what kind of a day I'm having.
Do you think dominoes pizza would deliver faster if I told them I just had shower sex and that always makes me hungry?
You were so stoked after landing that flip that you dropped acid with three random guys without hesitation
You're supposed to discourage my sluttiness not bring me hot Colombian men
Randomize
