hey call me
can't. in the shower.
... and this is probably why your phone does not work half the time.
I bought the tickets, he brought the weed. thanks to you, we had to roll a joint out of my bible paper.
Is it sad that when she told me he has a small peen I felt like it made us more compatible?
I am more sore today than I was after my car wreck. Take it as a compliment that you bang harder than a semi-truck.
I can't make Walk of Shame Wednesdays a recurring theme.
I was all over the place but at every locale you would pop out of nowhere and hand me a huge drink and say "HAMMERED"
I am the fairy godmother of the drink.
MANGO MOTHERFUCKING GODDAMN MARGARITA DELICIOUSNESS
There are two types of people in this world I don't trust: people who collect stamps, and people who don't drink
That would be a dream come true. Seriously, he's like my mount everest, my life's ambition is to climb him.
Is it bad that I've been making new friends through your vagina networking? I don't think so
Wow my largely unnecessary pool of lizard-related knowledge finally came in handy. Are you proud?
I don't know what to say
You're 21st was epic. I woke up at 6 a.m. on the floating beer pong table in the pool with a beer still in hand. Didn't even spill any
What alcohol should i drink Saturday to completely hate life?
I thought one was bad but really there are two woman stupid enough to marry our brother...unreal
She said I can't embarrass her, the challenge has been set
Randomize
