mark looks like s**t tonight! thank da lawd we broke up!
it's mark...i'm guessing you didn't mean to send that to me...
i need a wealthy benefactor or a cocktail job. or to start stripping. or kill myself. whatever.
He def has a gf... But hes 7 feet tall and that superceeds any morality I may have.
We did nothing beneficial to ourselves, or our country last night.
A talk about Arizona woman's rights politics has never turned to sex so quickly before.
So hungover. I dropped my keys and leaning over seemed a terrible idea. Instead I took my shoe off in the middle of the street and use my toes to pick them up. Think I'm a genius.
I just set a reminder on my phone to get star spangled hammered this weekend.
Red Alert: She has 3 cats, a parrot, and 2 rats. Initiate Protocol Zero and rendezvous at Checkpoint Bravo for debriefing
man fuck you i am a delight. you're the one who fucking set his tree on fire while high
She showed up at 4:30 in the morning HAMMERED, stripped, demanded sex, then after 4 failed attempts stopped me mid-thrust to tell me she thought we should be fucking for a cause, like animal rights. Process that for a second. She wanted us to be fucking for animal rights.
It was after I slept with him he tells me he's a juggalo
Well it was nice knowing him
you never keep up with shots anymore
I'm trying to be more responsible these days
you fucking tried to take your pants off and pee in Taco Bell's parking lot
i was really depressed when i left the health dept this morning after i had to write a higher number next to "partners" than "age"
I bet you my entire life savings of $0 that there's a Doctor Who porn parody and that it features the sonic screwdriver being inserted into some cavities
idk but im stoned n hiding in the bathroom from my kids with a really big bowl of really little candy bars
Randomize
