and then he ordered a "diet and rum" like the most important part of the drink was the diet.
I wish there was a morning after pill that made you instantly sober
they bought blue cups instead of red...wtf how am i supposed to pretend im on laguna beach??
My chemistry professor just asked me if I ever found a ride home from the bar last Saturday
I knew it was time to leave Waffle House when you started singing "What's Your Fantasy" to your hash browns.
you blew your rape whistle in his face every time he got near a girl till he left the party...
Like her Facebook page isn't even hers. It belongs to her tits. It's Titsbook
Can I also remind you that we insisted on touching his mustache?
Well of course I remember it took up like 20 minutes of my night.
Looks like a took a video of myself beating off and passed out last night. I'm classy.
Talking to friends parents while buying all the things needed for Jell-O shots. classic
My roommate definitely just walked in on me playing the piano naked.
By piano you mean.....
Like literally a piano.
Ohhhh that's kind of embarrassing.
The porch is breathing.
STAY OUT OF MY SHROOMS YOU CUNT
i woke up in a bed of pop tarts
all im saying is 27 is too old to still be drinking 40s, you make more money than me, buy some decent shit
screw you you golddigging beer snob
We're on our way. We couldn't find our clothes this morning, so we're driving your car half naked. You owe me a cigarette.
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