I miss you like a fat girl misses the prom.
if i remember New Year's Eve then there is something seriously wrong.
As I was puking last night I told them "it's ok I'm a paramedic"
i just was bootyclappin in front of homeless men in a back alley
I'm trying to find candidates for my winter break hook up. I'm going to hold auditions thanksgiving break.
How do we turn this unicorn pinata into a bong?
You have to understand, he didn't so much come out of the closet as he backflipped out of it with an accompanying marching band.
I need to hump something and I know u understand.
I am the kind of drunk to where i can still drive a golf cart
that's how you measure success
By how bad my vagina hurts on a Tuesday morning while I'm trying to figure out how I got white girl wasted on a Monday?
He woke me up at 3 am, turned me on, then changed his mind. There is no way he is getting out of twilight now.
She said she didn't feel right fucking on her parents dining room table I grabbed the only thing around bubblewrap she blew me for creativity
I want to die, ON THAT, with that INSIDE ME. ironically, I sense that would be the only time I'd feel alive.
My mom just looked at me and said; "You've been pretty bitchy lately do you need some dick?" WTF has happened to me?
We aren't doing Shrooms tonight bc that would be friendship cheating on you
Randomize
