They totally botched my boob job. My tits look like they're are winking.
hey im gonna send you a picture of my dinner
if its a picture of your dick again we are no longer friends
He just screamed at her, "if you pass out i am still having sex with you!!!" In front of the entire party.
I just used a franzia box to scrape the snow off my car.
I'm honestly too sad to drink and hang out with strippers. This breakup sucks.
Maybe its all the xanax she takes but she literally has NO shame
Dude. I have so much pot that i only worry about running out of lighters
I'm drinking wine alone, eating leftovers, and cleaning my sex toys. For the love of god, do not graduate.
Maybe I'm a robot.
You can't be that drunk already
I'm just gonna use that pot butter as dip for chips. That's fat, American AND stoner!
Trying to figure out what I just puked. Demon weed is salad. No more drunk buffets.
He balanced a treat on his nose, and then he rolled me a joint. My bf is the best pet ever.
This time tomorrow I'll be fingering you
Oh shit a waiter was leaning over me when i opened that and i felt him pause
There's tequila in my general area. Please pray for me.
I spend so much of my life shaving my body hair off and I want nothing more than his beard in all my hairless places.
Randomize
