I've had a Margarita with salt, but I have to say I was impressed by the Stoli and Sprite rimmed with adderall
Some bum walked up and watched me getting head last night for like 5 mins before I noticed him
I blacked out the second time 3am rolled around. My brain was taking a beating trying to do that math.
this st patricks day sucks
ill send jameson via bank tube 150+ miles
There's someone howling in the parking lot. Haha.
I will have you know I turned Latino David Arquette down for sex because he's married. Total. Moral. Victory.
Flo's in town, ain't she.
I got high and had sex with reindeer antlers on. It was magical and animalistic. Tia the season.
Doing coke by yourself isn't as fun. Even when you're watching a James Franco movie.
When she said "Tighten your safety belt and hold on!", that should have been a clear sign to me that one should never go off-roading in a rental car. On the bright side, they were able to tow her car out the next morning.
i may or may not have bought a plane ticket for a russian cam girl to fly here. also, can you spot me $300 on rent?
I just got a text giving me an hour window for when my vibrator is gonna be delivered. If that's not awesome customer service, I don't know what is.
i have too much dick at my disposal? i should make them fight. best dick pic gets laid
a day off where I don’t get laid would be worthless
Saw throw up in the parking lot at work, glad I'm not the only one. But now the search begins.
Mary's wearing shades at her desk, brilliant!
But you''re still having sex with him. And a hobo convinced you to.
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