ParTy fuckkin suckkkks bro I gotta fid sum biTch 2 leT me fire sum loadz on her FACE!
?
Nah, but can you imagine if I were seriously like that?
Rule #1. Nothing comes between you and fantasy sports. Not even a hot chick willing to give you a blow job
when the lights went off, all i could see was the glowing of the camera light in the closet... i got the fuck out of there so fast.
i just got a fart via voicenote. blackberry has officially changed history.
I found it funny that her boobs actually kinda felt like a bag of sand. the 40 year old virgin should feel better about himself.
so all the bums hang out by my new store, they have a leader we call king bum... He got dethroned by police today for choking out a hooker. The bum heirarchy is in shambles right now.
A-plus on my thesis. I deserve the blowjob to end all blowjobs. And I wanna wear a crown while you do it.
the question is "speedos?" and the answer is "yes".
I can't be here...my therapist just watched me take tequila shots
DON'T YOU TELL ME I HAVE HERPES ON MY BIRTHDAY. THAT IS MOST DEFINITELY NOT A HAPPY BIRTHDAY.
I know what you meant. If you want babies in time for your birthday, we gonna need either a time machine or a ski mask.
I'm drinking coffee out of a pasta sauce jar and eating fruit soaked in Smirnoff. I think I've hit rock bottom.
I'm not over that dildo rifle story. I don't think I ever will be.
Facebook: “Hey you fucked on a diving board, you should probably should wish him a happy birthday”
So I missed the eclipse because I was masturbating.
Randomize
