Well if yoir are still awake and secided to drink... You may aswell drink
That text needs to switch to water.
His drunken night ended with a "car accident" which really meant he was stuck in a toy car and pushed down the steps.
Pretty sure I went to the bar in my bathing suit, sweat pants, and high heels.
You are the sheppard guiding my vagina away from horrible decisions.
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Yeah, well I just made $600 while taking a shut cause two diff clients called while I was in here. Tell me being a lawyer doesn't kick ass.
I just got checked out by a paramedic whilst their sirens were on. I'm doing something right
I just can't have sex with a guy who has nicer eyebrows than me
Nuts. Absolutely nuts. she just screamed in my face something about not knowing whats happening and then got tackled by a dude
Now that we both have boys can we make up games that objectify them as sex toys?
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He ran over from the bar to give me more singles because the stripper was doing gymnastics on me. He is a really great friend, just probably not the best boyfriend.
Dude, my ex girlfriend showed up, bought me a tequila shot, made out with me and then disappeared into the night. Then her current girlfriend saw, so she came over and slapped me and then I made out with her too
This was before halftime
I RUINED A LESBIAN RELATIONSHIP BEFORE HALFTIME
I somehow turned head, shoulders, knees, and toes into a sobriety test
Vasectomy results are in. No swimmers in the water. REPEAT. No swimmers in the water. Come help me harness my new found super-power
i may have just googled 'is philly rioting right now'
I I was gonna wake him up with a blow job but I don't know how he would feel about it.
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