Sry I called you an 8
woke up naked, spooning with wine bottle.. and my video chat was still open. fuck, not again.
i just looked up and i was like omg ballsack and then i didnt know what to do
At McDonald's last night the guy gave you the wrong kind of McFlurry, so you screamed at him, "YOU MCFUCKED UP."
I swear that when I have my own bathroom, I'm gonna lock myself in there and masterbate for at least 3 days in sheer appreciation of it.
Just checked my bank account while shitting blood. Neither action felt good when I was done.
im sleeping in a hamic at a mansion. best hangover ever
If I don't throw up the day I graduate i'll feel like the last 4 years and thousands of dollars spent on alcohol will have been wasted.
I wish dancing around my house in my bra and underwear to Love Shack whilst eating strawberry cake batter was an acceptable form of exercise.
Hate sex is good. Drunk sex is better. Combine those two however and you get the best experience of your LIFE.
If you don't let me come over I'm gonna call you on speaker and you have to listen to her scream and moan too
If you need us, Zoe and I will be on my kitchen floor drinking Gatorade and crying
Not as much as my roommate, who is in the middle of one of the pictures throwing a lawn chair at a cop car lol.
I WOULD NEVER MIX DICK AND MCDONALDS
I just poured two shots of fireball into my Rapunzel mug I love finals.
Randomize
