Just remembered I told my boss that matt used to make me toss his salad like every time we hooked up. Nice
i'm crying at olive garden. i've hit rock bottom
How can it be called memorial day weekend....I don't even remember this weekend
The baby slept soo good last night. Its like he knows the importance of me being intoxicated all weekend.
And you kept repeating "I didn't know know that this was a no blow job zone."
It's national boyfriend day supposedly, would it be appropriate if I posted a picture of my dildo?
My therapist keeps stopping to ask what 'hooking up' means
ITS ORAL SEX CAROL
You know what a wolf looks like when it kills a small animal? How it shakes it around in it's mouth? I did that to a bag of Taco Bell last night
I'll miss you, too. On the bright side, a night away from one another might give me a chance to recup seminal fluids.
I think I was just hit on by Jesus Christ. This is not okay. Bad Touch. I NEED AN ADULT!
Calm the hell down, it's just stoner Bob.
There's a weed, money and oreo filled pinata promised for our party.
He bedazzled a shirt for me that said "best head giver" should I be thankful for the gift or concerned that he has a bedazzler?
He eats ass but won’t hold open doors. My kinda guy.
Chivalry really is dead.
Did he pick you up in a mini van?
Yes. Turns out my sugar daddy is about to be an actual daddy
and by running errands I mean eating an entire bag of milanos by myself in the Walmart parking lot
Randomize
