Thanks for the three minutes of sex tonight.
i just shoved 27 marshmallows in my mouth
well thats a nice change of pace from what you normally put in your mouth
So I'm banging this nun...
Isn't that how all good stories start? I like it already...
how am i supposed to spank it to a shakira video when she looks like she is doing the robot?
You just kept taking about baking cornbread and doing your physics. Even drunk assed random you is a better student than me.
And I know a few people wouldnt want to even be around high people. Which is sad. But jet packs are cool.
I need to cry about outer space to someone. Can I call you?
Oh no I would never do that to her. But when you're single again let me know. Cheating penis is definitely better than single penis. But she has claws.
It sounds like heaven mixed with world peace and orgasms. The acoustics in this car are awesome. Or it's the weed idk either way it's great
I texted him 3 days ago he said he was pre gaming for the Super Bowl today he just text" gtomajg kaka hee 48!!!"
Woke up this morning with an extra $35 and someone else's ATM receipt. How much did I drink last night?
Things my liver can't take in one weekend. Surprise nights off at work and male strippers. Woke up jaundiced.
He facetimed with his son when he was still inside of me. If that's not a dedicated dad I don't know what is
As a friend tho, you have the biggest dick I've ever seen
All I wanted was to die alone with my dogs....how did I end up here
I don't know if I should laugh or punch you
Randomize
