i woke up this morning to a slap on the ass and jake saying "you should let me put it in your ass now" i need out of this relationship.
for sure. did you let him do it?
thats not the point.
Do NOT cum in me, on me, or in my bed.
You're being dramatic. You can calm down, or you can piss off. Either way, I ate your burrito.
Well he told me I'd never be a wizard, and so I responded with you'll never have a big penis. After that we both just sat there and cried.
we didn't have anything to do and wanted to get our money's worth out of our costumes, so if you see two mermaids day drinking by the creek it's us
This hot topless Jamaican just ran down the st with me on his back and He was screaming "I be stealing yo white ladies."
I don't know if i should be jealous or worried... or question where you are.
Me. You. Shitty green clothes from Savers that we will dub alligator costumes. Middle of the quad tomorrow at noon. Bring your alligator voice and the pearls before swine comic.
K, so let's go ahead and say that mcnugget and margarita Tuesday was a bad idea
I tried to lock you in the bathroom stall because you were too drunk. But you escaped from underneath, I gave up
Maybe you need to change your pickup move. The "hey check these out" titty flash gets you the wrong kinda man.
Im hitting on this chick at a stoplight when all the sudden. i notice this chick blowing some dude in the backseat.
watched my neighbor eat five yodels, mow his lawn, and then cry on his porch after the party... what did you give him?
Fucked a kid by the name of your hometown tonight... FOR THE WIN.. BF4L
Can't we just go back to fucking and having your boyfriend think you're completely straight?
She said she was sorry for rolling around in her own vomit. Honestly, I thought it really added to the party.
Randomize
