it makes me cry that so many people are going to see you naked someday.
i ate 2 chicken nuggets and puked out 5. that doesn't even make mathematical sense
pretend to be my girlfriend and sign me up for tool academy
i was considerably less excited after they told me my present didnt have a penis
my mom used to put diet coke in my bottle. i can pretty much handle anything.
Dude if our hands were ladels we could work at a soup kitchen
That would be so convenient
I'm going to call you, don't answer. Need to practice moaning to your answering machine again
Pretty sure I'm about to get another tattoo. It'll have mom in there somewhere for Mother's Day.
Well I just put wine in my tea
I'm sorry. I slept with him again. On the plus side he's got better at it!
We didn't have a place to have sex. So we timed the automatic car wash & spent $9 for 3 minutes and 45 secs of car sex.
It smells like grilled cheese and sexual frustration
That song just makes me wanna take off my top and shake my titties all around the club.
Fuck you bitch. You're married. You got a live-in dick at home for your needs. I still gotta surf this shitty town's bars for cock
You drank whiskey for 9 hours and did not eat anything.Nothing good was going to come from that.
Randomize
