Of course she's mad at you. You Kanye Wested a picture of her catching snowflakes in her mouth. "imma let you finish but..." was the shaft and you put two of Kanye West's heads for the balls.
A guy in a big stork costume just came to our meeting to give us condoms and t-shirts telling us not to get pregnant. Only at college
Dude let's go to Saudi Arabia. They outlawed valentine's day. And probably love.
my mom just asked me what a queef is. she needs to stop watching south park
Also, my drunkenly packed sleepover kit consisted of a singular sock, my uncharged laptop, and a pack of post-it notes.
Nothing is more awkward than taking a dump while someone is crying in the bathroom.
You said that about some fat chick sitting on the base of a lamp post and puking. Downright heroic.
You're the only true friend I have, if true friendship is based off who would be there for me at 4am during a boxed wine crisis.
I'm excited I love mornings when I'm not sober
I've decided to give up hard drugs for the rest of the year.
If that orgasm indicates how the rest of the year is going to go, I need to buy rain boots.
you can tell a lot about a person by the quality of their porn
Ugh I don't want to adult today. I need like a dozen more coffees. Or cookies. They're interchangeable.
well ya only live once...
that cant be your answer for every horrible thing you do
B. I found a note on my phone and all it says is 'Fuck yeah im a racecar'
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