White wifebeaters are like orgies with fat people. Enjoyable in private, i'm sure, but in public: no thanksss.
No better way to find a friend than to offer cyber sex and see what happens
Its 6am. Um if my mom for some reasons asks, you stopped by my house around ten and had some wine with me. She is concerned I drank a whole bottle by myself. Woke me at 6am to interrogate..Thank god my pounding head thinks fast.
PS We had chips too. She is less concerned about the whereabouts of the chips but still a good lie always needs detail.
I was in the bathroom throwing up...when I walked out he was sitting there watching porn and jacking off. He said, "Sounded like you were gonna be in there for a while."
i just walked into thanksgiving and three people in a row asked me who i was. really?
I wonder who the first pervert was, and if he would be proud of me for advancing his art form by so much
Wow... that's disturbing man, and their not even my balls
wait do you know what youre gonna say if they ask how youre getting back?
yes. helicopter.
Im shirtless eating a burrito. How urgent is this?
Noooo. I told you she WAS a cancer. Not that she HAS cancer. This was the one time being a doctor didnt get you laid you alcoholic bastard
do you remember the random banging on my door at 3 am wearing 2 budlight cases as a dress
Dude... You called me at 3am to tell me you still had your pants.
So I just stirred my shower drink with my razor.
I'm not going to ask which end you used.
You called me into the kitchen so you could show me that you were peeing in the kitchen sink and then told me to leave bc you couldn't do it with me watching
I responded like every reasonable adult would. With a gif
Randomize
