she said "can't you just pull out and cum on my face? I hate scooping jizz out of my vag".
I'm assuming you texted me by mistake. you're not jizzing in or on me again, thanks for playing, douchebag.
We talked about all of the sex positions that would better allow him to feed me grapes. I think I'm in love.
will you please explain to me as to why or how i have a dirtbike tread looking bruise on my back?
I don't know what to tell you, usually I would just ask if they'd like to meet the captain. If you can't get laid it's your problem.
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I feel like my uterus is decaying in my body
i finally decided to cut him off after he he looked me dead in the eyes and said "how have i been inside you for the past twenty minutes when my pants are still on?"
You could become Eskimo brothers with my dad. How can you pass that up? You pussy.
All I have done at work today is eat and try to get my coworker to tie me to his bed again
All you had to say was "damn dude that looks fun, I miss ice fishing." But you sent a picture of poop. Classy
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
you stuck pieces of bread to your face with peanut butter and asked if it looked like you had a facial yeast infection.
ohhhh that's why they asked me to leave...
Some girl came up to us crying that she lost her phone and you said "if it's meant to be, let it be"
I'm hungry, horney and thirsty. Pick two you want to help out with.(please pick horney)
Yea it's also hard to turn down a man asking you out with a chicken sandwich.
I can't believe there are people our age getting engaged and I can't even find a solid coke dealer.
We got stoned and watched Disney movies all night. I think I'm in love.
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