I now officially know the distance between my two boobs is one twizzler.
last night he was wasted watching Entourage and changed everyone in his phone book to LLOYD!!!!
just watched an entire episode so you think you can dance for head. so wasn't worth it
My mom is making me buy a single zucchini, I look like someone who can't afford a dildo
she was stuffing dove chocolates in my mouth while giving me a blow job. GOD I LOVE VALENTINES DAY
One of two things would happen: He'd love it, or you'd get a restraining order.
just got the results back. i love his dick even more now i know its clean
Dear room mates I tried to shotgun pam in the kitchen. It is slippery. Please be careful. That is all. Love you.
Lesbians are nicde people they do not take debit cards
no, i remember trying to staple my nipples together. I just can't figure out where the hell stapler came from.
Right, because I totally see myself driving all the way down there to fuck his world famous penis.
I'm surprised I haven't crapped out a leprechaun, I'm so hungover
Yeah... I still gave her a hug because I felt really bad though. I mentioned that my boyfriends grandma just died too, just to reinforce that I'm straight afterwards.
I'm permanently fucked. Every liquid I put into my mouth automatically tastes like fireball.
You did what with his pubic hair?
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