I could make wine with my vomit
So Jesus turned water into wine. So what? I once turned a whole student loan into natty light. Your move holy man.
Jeremys mom is here. I gave her mad jello shots and now were griding. ima give it to her: ultimate payback for him fucking my gf.
I forget the details, but I'm told that I drunkenly stalked him around floor yelling obscure Jewish laws at him
I would like to add..this is the first november for two years that i haven't cheated on a bf...thank you..thank you
I'm questioning the dried chocolate syrup on my tits.
I'm so hungover that if we go to panera, I'll probably get a bread bowl to throw up in.
I really think that guy just walks around with tennis balls in his pocket. No dick is that big
I just had sex in the men's bathroom of a Chinese buffet...
YOU ARE MY HERO
I don'y know if I should feel accomplished or disgusted. I just ate a dozen cookies all to myself. I'm leaning more towards accomplished.
I just bought a blender and 120 pizza rolls. Bring tequila.
I have jury duty tomorrow
I almost deep fried my finger today and yet I think you are worse off than I am.
Same encounter she body slammed me to the floor and than humped me
Threesomes are not as fun as you'd think. I left with a black eye and I'm not sure who's to blame.
I must be really high or they really did just bring me a banana split instead of a burger
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