My e-date is really photogenic. Real-life not so much
How was Slumdog? Did it pull your heartstrings?
It was entertaining. Better than most other Mexican films.
I need to surround myself with more reliable stoners...
you handled that situation with as much grace as someone puking involuntarily could
Knitting and drinking wine. Forget my 21st birthday, might as well just skip to my 60th
We're trying to leave but amy's hitting on the guy who mans the nacho cart
The next time you try to involve a tickle me Elmo in my orgasm, I'm leaving you
I was just crying my tits off and he was just sitting there listening. I was an open book of embarrassing life stories.
Wine is not your friend.
Girl we've come a long way since our first Brazilian wax
Denis dont give a fuck, Denis drinks out of straws. Denis disregards the fire station & bought 18 fire hoses so he can fight it himself if the farmhouse is on fire.
I mean it was fine and all but I just don't understand why a man would need all that Simon Cowell paraphanelia
Remember when you tried to talk but you could only count by 2s?
This is the difference between me and him; he buys you flowers, I buy you a dildo
Last night I actually told him I came with a washer and dryer
Her hand jobs are magic. They smell like vanilla and awesomeness. She made me forget how to walk
Randomize
