there is a priest convention in the hotel. i feel like god is laughing at me.
imagine if we didn have a dick. we would be so much more productive
ohhh no, absolutely not. i am waaayyy too superstitious to have sex with the self-proclaimed "baby-maker" on father's day...
he was wearing a tuxedo, i was naked...it's a long story.
All I need in life is some dick and a big mac.
He texted me for a bootycall at 2:00am so I rolled outta bed and shaved my legs but then he decided he wasn't coming over...he lost his bootycall privileges
I've been ignoring his texts cause last night I put him in my phone as 'ignore for atleast a day' and I trust my drunk self.
He was drinking wine out of a pyrex measuring cup at two in the afternoon and told me my ass looked fantastic in my sweatpants. I love university
Know of anyone who would be interested in trading weed for meatballs?
Apparently getting a blow job in the mens room from the bar owners daughter will get you kicked out.
Better safe and shitfaced than hungover and in need of another surgery.
Dude we just exchanged Zelda related pickup lines. I fell in love at "you can blow on my ocarina"
Slept on the bathroom floor again. I hope when I turn 28 I’ll stop doing that
But he said I was unpatriotic for not having sex with him. What was I suppose to say to that?
There is a huge naked guy in the kitchen with the boner of a lifetime and what I believe is an assault rifle casually resting on his shoulder.
Randomize
