we had sex three times last night.. but now im just wet from him crying on my stomach about how much he misses his ex.. awesome
i gave you head in a backbend. if that doesnt say happy birthday i dont know what does.
He was sitting on the bathroom floor, swirling his finger in the toilet singing the Laguna Beach theme song. I don't know whether to laugh or help him.
If she wants to think that freshman 15 means sleeping with 15 guys than so be it I just gotta make sure I'm one of them.
She has puke in her hair, is missing a shoe and is now crying. People trust her to be their child's teacher
well.. I tried flushing my sandals down the toilet
Then you better bring Starbucks and a box of condoms in the morning.
Oh shit. This is getting real.
Landen experienced Greenville for the first time last night. He was awaken by 2 cops and 4 EMS guys this morning in the bed of that truck that is for sale at the swashbuckler carwash, said he was trying to walk to waffle house... Greenville- 1, Landen- 0
My liver is whispering mean things about me to my kidneys. It's a fucking miracle I'm not hungover. Lol
I've got to stop fucking tourists. If Chicagos piazza is anything like their dicks. I'm moving.
Life without a bra equals bliss.
i'm not so sure everythign we did last night was legal...
No I don't. You owe me sex and cinnamon rolls.
just said thank you to the lady who gave me a body search at the airport
He casually compared computer science to childbirth and I was like "hey, as someone who has wanted to fuck you for six months now, could you please never talk about childbirth ever again"
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