I have had it with that bitchy sack of crazy. Iam done!
I wish there was a Glade Plug-in for vaginas
Now you know why i just sit on the toilet and scream
In the middle of blowin me she stoppped and told me how easy it would be to insert a catheter ..... Apparently she was a nursing major
I cannot believe we're comparing my vagina to Mary Poppins and a black hole.
I should have known our good time had gone to shit when his ankle bracelet started flashing.
I mean I don't object to weird looking penis as long as it gets the job done. I just need to get it in. I'm gonna be humping chairs soon.
I gotta shower this stuff off me I'm starting to hear baby kittens in the toilet tank again..
Yep, that just happened. My mom just gave me a big bag of drugs for my birthday. She even put them in a fancy bag with tissue paper.
my roommate would be appalled if she knew how many times i've peed in the kitchen sink
Sounds good. I'm hoping to have my life together by next week but you never know I guess.
His middle name is Julius so I named his penis Caesar and told him he has to say "Hail Caesar!" whenever he comes. He didn't seem to like the idea, though.
Ok well my life just seems more exciting by default because I'm dating my married boss and sexting with my ex
He kept trying to make out with me but I was just trying to show him Shrek memes
You said you made a new recipe, but it turned out you just cooked ramen with vodka instead of water.
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