There was a ginger baby in the car next to me. I almost totaled my car into the center divide.
I tried to assassinate the ginger baby
If I ever start a band I'm gonna name it "Nancy Reagan's Vagina"
I just remembered we were doing butt clenching exercising with bar straws last night
jess passed out on the pong table. it was depressing until we started singing shania twain an hour later and heard her muffled voice singing along.
I'd love to come and give you a massage, but we already duck taped my keys to the ceiling...
Why are you covered in frosting?
Friend's birthday situation turned into enlightened cake orgy.
I wouldn't fuck her. Looks like her vagina smells like a seaside orgy.
I would watch the shit out of some full house right now.
you're no funn. i shall go consult my friend vodka on this matter.
I'm currently sitting beside my brother who is taking a bath and feeding him nachos while he covers his genitals. If that's not sibling bonding then I don't know what is
Your vagina felt like having sex with thanksgiving mashed potatoes. The best kind of mashed potatoes
I don't even care that it's before church. I feel like God actually wants me to have this shower beer.
I can't. I'm going camping this weekend. I do have a life outside of your dick.
The magnum condom fits. I feel like a manly version of cinderella
half way down the stairs my legs said fuck this and i just fell the rest of the way...
Randomize
