Gfs sis is in town. Its awkwardly obv that we want to fuck each other.
Nob stitches i do do not bleed anymorr!
so how much must it suck for him to know that the penis of his best man has been in his wife's mouth before?
I'm so hungover even the car commercials make me nauseas
I feel like I should I write an apology note to the frat for falling down stairs, passing out on the couch, and chugging the entire bottle of burnetts at semiforml last weekend. Apparently I was the main topic of discussion at their chapter meeting last night.
I am not apologizing for rubbing my balls on your leg...that is a risk you take when you come out to the bar with me
Duuuude - Drag Queen Bingo wasn't supposed to end like thissss
I told you, I don't give a SHIT about their music. I JUST. WANT. TO FUCK. THE BASSIST.
Will the fact that I have 4 boob hickies add to or take away from tonight's outfit?
His lack of social graces and moral fiber complements mine nicely.
And I don't know if this is really ESP, or just a crazy feeling, but I'm pretty sure he has an std. Or at least a cold.
He spent like 5 minutes figuring out how best to position me so I would still be able to watch the game. Maybe there is a benefit to dating a guy who cares about me but doesn't care about my team.
Pretty sure this is the part where you go buy a ring.
We had sex and he ended up in the hospital... don't know if I should be worried or proud.
Well I can cross 'get my dick slathered in coconut oil while watching the bob's burgers porn parody' off my bucket list.
He texted me at 4:30 in the morning saying "I'm not drunk but I think you're beautiful" and then a facebook message at 6 am saying "hi" and the subject was "oh"
Randomize
