i hope thats the last time i ever see ryan's hairy ass fucking
I think she just tried to waterboard me with her vagina.
Seriously, I would hit on barney the dinosaur right now if it meant I was going to get laid.
Changing from sweatpants to jeans at 3 in the afternoon makes the day seem so much more productive than it actually was.
fell asleep with the bong in the pool, weirdest tan line ever
The lego bong didn't work. Just made us look stupid
You're like the curious george of whores
And then he tried to clean the throw up off my pants with 409
When he grabbed my tits it felt like he was either giving me a mammogram or trying to pierce my nipples with his fingers.
He screamed AMERICA, took a shot of vodka out of a Tupperware container, and then asked if he could see my tits
Because her vagina is one of those illusive black holes that leads to a parallel universe where he is king and the sea is made of beer! That is why they are together!
I think my Halloween costume this year will be made entirely of pillows and I'll be Marshmellow girl or Kirby. That way I'm comfortable, warm, and if I fall over drunk I'm safe.
So I'm dropping a fat deuce at work, and the lock on the stall door slips and the door slides open, when suddenly someone comes in. Now I have two options, I can either get up quickly and try to shut the door quickly (not easy to do with one hand) or I can just sit there and play it off like it's no big deal and I always dump at work with the door open. I chose option two, and it was as awkward as it sounds.
I was looking at your nipple and it made me think of you
Well I hope so...
What's the point of having a gay best friend if he doesn't play with your titties?
Randomize
