Will you still be my friend if I read and enjoyed Twilight?
No
My complete lack of self respect has really improved my blow job technique
this is the second time this week i got a blowjob from a crying girl.
and then he put stevie wonder on to fuck to...and hummed along as I blew him
Somebody left a mini pitcher in the bathroom. Think its safe?
still in the ER. she tried to shotgun a bottle of corona
He kept dropping hints about giving me crabs. Like he called my pubes a nest and said he "hoped there weren't any eggs in there."
It's a toss up. They'll either laugh and watch you drunkenly fuck on the beach or they'll throw you deep in Mexican jail.
I am lonely and hungry. I need a girlfriend, but I'd settle for my mom.
What procrastination leads to: I have submitted a third of my job applications this week with a BAC that would get me arrested
You don't know the true meaning of fear until your girlfriend's niece insists on sitting on your lap with 20 mg of Viagra coursing through your veins.
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
1st date with cop went weird. He yelled at me & we had a horrible date. Walking to the car I tripped & started bleeding & then he made out with me. Is it wrong that I want to see him again?
THIS IS WHY YOU NEED THERAPY!
there were rolls with just one bite out of each one leading to the bedroom. you were laying on the bed naked and yelled 'you did it you followed the bread crumbs!'
You threw him in the dryer?
He went in of his own accord. Mumbled something about experiencing the blossoming of popcorn.
Randomize
