dude, best porn name ever, "the Hunt for Red Cocktober"
The karaoke bar doesnt have electric avenue. Ill just have to pick another song and sing the lyrics to electric avenue
I don't think anyone has ever said "boy I'm glad I took those shots of everclear" when they wake up
Sorry I fell asleep again. I'm in the shower now. Door is unlocked. Condoms are in my desk. I want your game face on for when I get out.
Dude she has starbursts in her sports bra. I feel like this is counter productive.
Swear to god, if I have to wingman for you on my honeymoon I'm gonna be pissed
not much sitting here stoned eating my little sisters halloween candy and judging each individual hersheys candy bar and after much deliberation by the selection committee the original hersheys chocolate bar won
it's gotten to the point where there are no existing good choices. even our good choices are bad choice by anyone's standards but ours.
I tried to interpretive dance to Candy Shop to stop the awkwardness.
I literally told her "she's a sandwich I'd like to make" and that's all it took
You know it's been a successful day when the only reason you put on a bra was to take off your shirt
no, you don't understand how much people deal here. All I had to say was "hey lets buy a bag" and he pulled over instantly, then the randoms in the car behind us pulled over and sold us a bag.
I say "glasses of whiskey" like I didn't chug it out of the bottle
And some neighbor just saw me naked and hunched over a bag of potato chips stuffing my face. Maybe clothes aren't a bad idea.
I'm wearing men's underwear
I don't know what to do with that information...
Randomize
