I just farted so loud that my cat got so scared he fell off the couch.
Sure, fine. Daughter just told me she is not a virgin anymore. I am gonna start drinking now
He gave me a book last time I slept there. Im beginning to feel like a really weird hooker. Like instead of money he gives me random shit he has lying around. like hamburger buns
She cried. My mom screams. And nut went everywhere. It was all around a bad situation.
She was so adorably desperate I didn't have the heart to tell her I wasn't a lesbian. So now She's making waffles, may switch teams over this.
I know it sounds like a good idea, but doing Spanish homework at a bar just because the owners are Mexican and they give us margaritas really wasn't the best decision.
I was going through my paperwork and I found the lifetime warranty card for my 14" dildo. I saved it. You know, just in case.
You know your high, when your chugging applesauce out of the jar with no utensils.
The more and more I think about it, the more I realize... it's not ok to just pull over on the side of the highway to pee... I'm sorry I argued that
She is the absolute last thing I would want to screw. Honestly. Fellating a porcupine. Higher on the list.
My therapist keeps stopping to ask what 'hooking up' means
ITS ORAL SEX CAROL
Thank you for stroking my rage monster tonight.
I parked in the SAE Fraternity lot and left a note that said if you don't tow me you will all get a blowjob.
He can be a kind, caring soul but also give in to the temptation of eating unicorn ass.
How's work going?
Boring. I have a cat on a leash right now
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