My 12 y/o god son's bandmate just asked me to their school dance. Still he's a better catch than the last one...
i can't believe i haven't brushed my teeth. and i just kissed my grandma. I'm going to hell.
I just found a porn show called cleavagefield. no i am not watching.
All of my current injuries can be related back to sex.
Toga everclear = hospital visit... Im sure the paramedics hate me right now
it was such a weird mix, KFC and penis
My bullwhip has saved my life tonight and gotten me laid. I'm gonna be Indiana Jones every Halloween!
Just got convinced to trip sit for a pack of cigarettes and a burrito. Let the games begin
He is currently tell his hat to go free. Like he has it sitting on the table just waiting for it to take off. When he's not looking I'm gonna throw it off the balcony and tell him it's flying
You. Me. Frosting and a bed. Lets do this.
I'm sitting on the floor singing Bruno mars while they cook and occasionally pet me
I'm so confused as to where the sexual euphemisms end and the drinking starts
my grandma just gave me a shoebox fulled to the top with tootsie rolls and condoms with a not that said "enjoy college, find a big cock" i'm not sure how I feel about this
I've had sex to the movie Tommy Boy too many times to be acceptable.
I'm currently using a band-aid to cover my bar stamp from last night while I ask my professor for an extension. That's a sign of getting more responsible, right?
YOUR MANICOTTI IS FULL OF LIES
Sorry i meant to send that to my mom
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