There was a fist fight in my basement last night at four in the morning, in case you were wondering
There was a ginger baby in the car next to me. I almost totaled my car into the center divide.
I tried to assassinate the ginger baby
what made it akward was his girlfriends dog watching us have sex
This girl just stopped in the middle of a sentence because of my blue eyes. She said she got lost in them. I am laying pipe tonight.
and she just brought her bike into the shower with her
One step ahead. Always. Roses are red, violets are blue... I'm gonna fuck you with a rake.
I wish i could just live off of margaritas and good sex.
I just traded ecstasy for trapeze lessons...you in?
Trimming my pubes at 1 AM, drunk, listening to Stevie Ray Vaughn. What has become of me.
Jesus christ stop updating me about every aspect of your life.
I just fell off a roof. So I'm kinda chillin for a minute.
Ever since we've gotten back together, it's like the ghosts of booty call's past have been hitting me up. Lol.
He was telling me how he was trying to grow up. And then 2 minutes later, he told me he was tripping on lsd for the first time.
Is there ever a non-asshole time to play the "I was a child prodigy" card?
how do you feel about japanese?
I would eat half a street meat hotdog I found on the sidewalk, I'm good with anything.
My roommate just yelled at me for coughing. I'd like to yell at her for doing lines off our counter last night.
Randomize
