my mouth smells like i just ate out a crab.
his cum tasted like old pizza and looked like old milk
She definitely pulled a diaper out of her purse and cleaned up the vodka with it, where do you meet these people?!
just threw up what i'm pretty sure look like contents of a lava lamp
im still going. this is my new reality. also. dont take glowsticks in the bath. they explode. actually. do. it. its beautiful.
i dont think thats healthy man...
Bonding with my year old cousin over the fact that we both shit ourselves. Babysitting like a bosss
Peanut butter balls.
IF YOU EVEN COME NEAR MY BALLS AGAIN I SWEAR TO GOD
I'm at the bar, forgot my pants. Everyone's over reacting
I ate shrooms on a frozen river in an ice fishing shack after a day of vics and beer and walked around on the river in a stupor. They made me bite the head off of a fish.
It was the cape. I can't control myself when I wear a cape.
your phone died, so you started bawling in the bar
yeah that sounds like me
THE STRIPPER HAD A GUN JOHN!
Im showing up stoned and in sweatpants. Because that is where im at in life right now. Sorry not sorry.
Should we make a shared Google doc list of places we want to fuck? Like a scavenger hunt?
We made a blanket fort in my dorm room and fucked in it. Twice. I'm in love.
Randomize
