hes so high that he's convinced hes a duck. hes squating in the bathtub quacking. that was NOT JUST pot.
They're giving me a hotel, and this chick doesn't have a place to stay for the night... I swear this is how real life Porno starts.
shes still asleep dad put a lobster in her bathroom
Eating Doritos is not nearly as enjoyable when I'm not drunkenly feeding them to peacocks.
Dude I broke my bong in half this morning. I kicked it as I was jerking off. I would never hide anything from you.
I have located the smell of the stripper and narrowed it down to 3 girls in class
Okay, just a casual question: how did i manage to get grass stains on the inside of my bra?
How was your weekend?
The sex was so good. It hurts to exist.
She seems less like a roommate, and more like a homeless person who snuck into your apartment.
I think I need to see a chiropractor after giving that blow job
do you think there's enough of the fabric you gave me to make a crop top for a cat?
All I remember is an overwhelming desire for chicken nuggets...
Yes, you pinned my brother to the floor by the throat and threatened to slaughter his family if he didn't drive to mcdonalds and get you some.
You know, normal sex stuff involves shitting your pants. If you do it right.
I didn't mean that as an expression. I'm literally asking if you want to watch Netflix and do nothing.
I have a lot of money, and no morals. shots on you when you get here.
Randomize
