I think she heard me call her a fat skank. But she was to be fair.
how many beers do i need before it is acceptable to sleep with sam
enough that when i make fun of you for it tomorrow you wont even remember it happening
so i decided not to tell her that her fiance is cheating since i already bought the bridesmaid dess
dude this girl next to me farted in the middle of a quiz and denied my high five
bitch
Just wanted to let you know that I always win at "whose ex is crazier" because of you.
She thought someone was breaking in but when I said it was me she got even angrier and threw a coffee mug at my head.
I'm pretty sure I just had a convo with my hot pockets about how they weren't good enough for the oven.
The look I see on guys faces when they realize my nipples are pierced remind me of when my mom used to come home from the grocery store and surprise me with poptarts.
Now one day I will be able to tell my children how a drag queen in a gay bar told mommy that bin laden was dead
she got into med school, i feel dumb for banging her dance major friend
We shouldn't eat pizza in the pool
We r drinking tequila out a glass bottle and smoking weed underwater, pizzas the least of our concern
In other news there is a guy at my office who I'm pretty sure will be wearing someone's skin as a coat one day.
I don't want to flatter myself but after the way he was looking at me today I think it might be me.
She ran from her surprise party screaming "I'm not ready for an intervention." Yeah, the girl has a problem.
I fit in backpacks. BOOM HERE I AM! Like a stripper from a cake.
The guy next to me on the bus has one hole in his jeans that has over 20 mini dicks drawn on his leg. Classic.
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